Category Archives: Good Shit You Should Know About

New Music: Shakey Graves and Esme Patterson Dearly Departed On Conan

The other night my friend, boyfriend, and I were watching Late Night with Conan; which is better in California because it’s on at 9 instead of midnight. We were being delighted by Jennifer Garner telling a story about how she hired a herd of goats to kill the rats that were eating the ivy on the hill of the home where she and Ben Affleck live – casual every day stuff. And then we all kind of got up to go to bed because even though it’s on at 9 we were still on East Coast time so, basically asleep.

As I was kind of brushing my teeth and padding about, I heard a song coming from the television and headed back out to the living room to see what it was, and turn it off. Only, when I got there, to the television, I was more transfixed than I have ever been by anything I’ve ever stumbled upon on a television.

I was frozen. I sat down. I couldn’t look away. I couldn’t look away from how beautiful the song was, and the way their 2 voices sounded together, and I couldn’t look away from this MESMERIZING, alluring woman. Whose voice was like syrup and honey, who had the sweetest way of looking at and interacting with her male counterpart on stage, her claps, and sweet little smiles and interactions with the mic, the husky voice, and cute, simple little lace dress and cropped curls and yellow weave flats. And their DANCE MOVES. Something about the way the two of them were moving together on stage had me G.L.U.E.D. to the television. It was so sexy. The chill, snaky hip sways and snaps. Their presence literally pulled me in and if there had been an earthquake at that very moment I wouldn’t have been able to look away.

I was THUNDERSTRUCK. Nothing on television has ever had me that at its mercy. No song that I have ever heard live has ever, I mean really – ever – just STOPPED me and pulled me in like that. I was gutted; at the points where they really wail it out, and put their heart into it and just SING, my neck was crooning towards the television just FEELING the music in my core. Every time I listen to it, my heart RISES in my chest like I’m ascending the big hill of a roller coaster.

Especially around the 3:00-minute mark, at 3:03 and 3:23 when she’s REALLY singing the “YEAH YOU AND I BOTH KNOW” – ugh, gets me going.

I never wanted it to end. I was in love with the 2 of them. Their Kings of Leon-country act and sound. The guy himself was pretty darn good looking, and with his cute hat and outfit (loved the red tie) and that gorgeous voice; but mostly I could NOT stop looking at this force of a woman. I am in ACTUAL love with them. I have watched it like 47 times. Never loved something so much.

I was so like, happy, that I had just happened to be watching Conan that night, because otherwise, I was thinking, I probably wouldn’t have heard about Shakey Graves for years, if ever. Like none of them have a wikkipedia page and I have more followers than her on Twitter.

SO obvs I then had to research and read everything about them. Basically Shakey Graves is the dude, but  has been touring with this chick Esme Patterson for the harmonies on certain songs. That killed me right there because I’m like, these 2 need to be in love and be married and have babies and sing together every day forever for the rest of all of our lives.

He, apparently, had a role on Friday Night Lights (which I watched religiously – I feel like I remember his cute country face but can’t remember what he did or was on FNL! anyone?). He’s super talented, clearly, and was a name to watch at Austin City Limits, but only by like…serious music peeps who study everyone up-and-coming. I googled and haven’t seen even a mainstream non-mainstream publication mention him.

Don’t you just love places like Conan for featuring musical acts that aren’t huge but are AMAZING so you can discover them? I always appreciate that.

My favorite thing I discovered though is that Esme (who sings for another band and solo as well) created an album of songs that are responses to classic songs about females who don’t get their own voice (like Dolly Parton’s Jolene).

She was talking about this one Elvis Costello song that she decided to write a response to, and what she was saying about it was HILARIOUS. I laughed out loud. Laughed out loud like I was reading a funny text from my friend. Legit was lolling. The interview is asking her about some of the songs she decided to write the response to – and how sometimes you just listen to songs without realizing, oh wait…..this song’s kind of messed up. The interview/she goes:

It’s interesting where you can listen to songs over and over and glaze over some of the actual intent and meaning.

Yeah, like that Elvis Costello song, “Alison.” What he’s hinting at the whole time is that she got pregnant, and he’s like, “Well, it’s not mine, okay. Like, I heard that you’re just a tramp,” you know. He just seems like such a jerk to her. And it’s clearly like years and years after the fact, too, that he said in the song, “It’s so funny to be seeing you after so long,” and then he goes into all this catty mean stuff. It’s like, “Geez, Elvis Costello. You’ve got some issues.” And that’s a song that when it comes on the radio, everyone sings along with it. Then you just pick the lyrics apart and “Wow, that’s so mean!”

I don’t know how many times I’ve listen to “Alison” and never realized what it was really about.

He’s like, “I don’t know if you were loving somebody, I only know it isn’t mine.” He also says, “I heard you let that little friend of mine take off your party dress.” It’s like years and years later. Why are you so mad still? Like, chill out, Elvis Costello. Why does it matter to you what I’m doing.

Lol I love her. Why you so mad still ? LIke chill out, Elvis Costello.  How hilarious is that.

I don’t even know the song, right, I’ve never heard it, but how she talks about it makes so much sense slash is HILARIOUS. How Elvis Costello himself in his own song in the lyrics is admitting that it’s been years and years and years since he’s seen this chick, Allison, and he says hey, and then goes into this like angry rant about how she’s a whore who took her dress off for his friend and she’s thinking as she’s listening, like……dude it’s been 20 years, why do you care still. Like Elvis Costello get over it. hahah I don’t know i just think it’s hilarious. The comical idea of Esme listening to the song pondering what seems to be a disproportionate story……this woman being like oh I’m pregnant and him being like IT’S NOT MINE, TRAMP and then still being mad about it 2 decades later. Like basically he was kind of just mean and a dick to her but it’s his song and his point of view so no one stops to question why he’s such a spaz. I don’t know i can’t stop laughing about it.

Leave a comment

Filed under Good Shit You Should Know About, Music

Hillwood Estate, Museum, and Gardens – Fun Things To Do In DC

IMG_7961

Today, my friend and I toured the Hillwood Museum & Gardens Estate in Washington, D.C. — the personal home of one Marjorie Merriweather Post – a rich heiress to the Post Cereal fortune. You probably don’t know much about Marjorie, which is why I am going to take you into her home and world and tell you all about Hillwood as part of my ongoing Guide to D.C., because visiting this place is my most favorite thing I have ever done in D.C. Ever. And I was born and raised here. Literally I have 28 years of D.C. under my belt, and this was my favorite thing I have ever done.

ole marj

The first thing you need to know about Marjorie was that she was the original boss-ass bitch. The woman was a BAUSS. CRUSHED life. 4 Husbands, billions of dollars, 3 homes, a pet cemetery to end all pet cemeteries, and basically financed the Cartier business. Casually owned like half of the art of czarist Russia. Entranceway boasted 18th century painted portraits of Catherine The Great. And would drop like 4 thou on a 2-inch miniature dog relic from the Ming Dynasty. Literally she was a legend.

You know how people always use & make fun of the term “summer” as a verb, and how bougie it is, to like “summer in Montauk” or reference people who “summer on the Cape”? Well Marjorie WINTERED places. She fucking WINTERED in Palm Beach, Florida. That right there is about the APEX of wealth, when you Winter some place. She summered and wintered and falled and sprang while the rest of us trolls simmer in one damn place for 12 months of the year like peasants.

Hillwood, a 25-acre piece of land overlooking Rock Creek Park in Washington, D.C. was her Fall & Spring property. She also had Mar-a-Lago (a name that is so fantastically sensory and fairytale-esque — take me to Mar-a-Lago, it sounds like something lovers would whipser to one another in Casablanca, or the scene of a great crime novel), her Palm Beach property where she wintered; and a third place in upstate New York where she summered.

Hilwood

Hillwood is the most incredible place I have ever been. It is so impressive, and so full of historical gems that it feels impossible that it’s real; and especially that someone could have THAT much money. Which is bringing me closer back around to my earlier point about Marjorie being a boss-ass bitch. I love any woman who had 4 husbands. Do you know how much balls that takes? I guess it takes the balls of a billionaire. But she gave 0 fucks. Just like, tried that, did that, on to the next one. And in like 1930’s and shit too.

Before we talk more about old Marj, let’s talk some about her house. Hillwood. The kitchen! I absolutely died when walking into her kitchen. It opens with a long, impressive Butler’s Pantry (I fucking love Butler’s Pantries – want one badly), and the first thing I said upon taking it in was…..oh my god it’s….just….so….1950’s. I hadn’t realized yet that she had purchased the place in 1955, so yes, the Butler’s Pantry and Kitchen were indeed just that. So VERY 1950’s.

butlers pantry

IMG_7910

I couldn’t get over the kitchen and spent the most amount of time in the kitchen by FAR. It was dreamy in a way I really could never find the words to describe. It was a beautiful, crisp, clear, sunny October day – and the kitchen gets so much good natural light, with big sunny windows overlooking a little garden patio. And the place had very few visitors in the middle of the day Wednesday, so I was in there completely by myself (Anna had already moved on to the dining room and like 3 other rooms while I continued to marvel at the kitchen). And I just wandered around literally FEELING in my core what it felt like to be in that kitchen in 1958 and 1961 and ’63, as water simmered and pots and pans clanked and clamored and staff cooks plated food.

IMG_7912

IMG_7921

IMG_7915

Being in it felt like time travel. It gives me butterflies even to think about. All of this original 1950’s equipment (hugggeee freezers — I later learned her husband (of the time) was some kind of freezer magnate – he would be), and getting to see the dinner party menus on display. One of the menus that had been saved and was on display was from a dinner party Marjorie threw on October 17, 1963; and because we were visiting in October, so it was the same time of year, and same kind of light, and same time of day that they would have been cooking, it just felt like you could really feel what it was like. How could you not feel like that – everything was the same! You’re IN the kitchen, as it looked, as it was, when the cooks were cooking for that very dinner party in October of 1963. Except it’s October 2014. But everything is exactly as it was.

IMG_7977

The menu was my version of heaven. Although I am obsessed with all history and everything about America, I have realized that without question I am MOST enthralled with mid-century America. Post-war, pre hippy. Bobby and Sally. Refrigerators. Jello molds. Ham. Chevys. Kitchen Aid Mixers. Airplanes. Pan Am. Televisions. Microwaves. Wedge salads. Bar ware. Red wagons. And house wives doing French/foreign things and saying French/foreign words related to home & garden like “jardiniere” and “chinoiserie” —  THAT. SHIT. GETS. ME. GOING.

So to see a dinner party menu with the words: “caviar and blinis” to start, and ROAST BUTTER BALL TURKEY with sweet potatoes, marshmallow, vegetable jardiniere, APPLE JELLO RING WITH ASSORTED FRUIT, FILLED WITH BALLS OF STRAWBERRY SHERBERT. That is like fucking POETRY to me. That is like a beautiful man singing love poems into my ear. And to know that it’s not a caricature, it’s not an oversimplified thing we’ve come to stereotype of a decade, it’s not {just} from the mind of Mathew Weiner for a Hollywood TV show, nor a myth; no, it was the real-life, actual, dinner menu from people’s real lives in 1963 — from a woman who was as cultured and wealthy as they come, and quintessential AMERICAN (a fucking CEREAL HEIRESS FROM ILLINOIS) — and in her billion-dollar mansion she is serving her esteemed guests jello with balls of sherbert and butter ball turkey. COOL ME DOWN, cool me down, because I am HOT. With passion. For how fucking cool that is.

I don’t know what to tell you it’s just my own particular brand of crack. I love mid-century America.

(NOT TO MENTION THE VODKA AND DOM).

IMG_7941

As we continued to explore the ground floor, I could NOT. GET. OVER. JUST. HOW. WEALTHY. THIS WOMAN WAS. I mean you’ve never seen so many ITEMS — things, pieces of furniture, that must be worth MILLIONS individually! In and of themselves! And there are like 10,000 items in the place – tables, chairs, sculptures, figurines, plates, dishes, PAINTINGS. So many paintings. You’re looking at some Asian quartz sculpture and it’s probably from like 200 B.C. Bitch collected art from Jesus of Nazareth. She owned a casual two DIAMOND-STUDDED-monogrammed Faberge eggs that the last tsar of Russia, Alexander II, gave to his mother for Easter in1896 – a practice his father, Alexander III had started within the Romanav family (giving commissioned Faberge eggs as gifts) that they continued until THE FUCKING RUSSIAN REVOLUTION IN 1917 WHEN HE AND HIS ENTIRE FAMILY WERE EXECUTED BY THE BOLSHEVIKS, MARKING THE END OF IMPERIAL RUSSIA AND ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT EVENTS IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. Yeah, Marjorie just owned some of Alexander II’s personal family gifts (by Faberge). Casual.

IMG_7959

Also, I loved the contrast between the kitchen and the rest of the house — because the kitchen, at the time, was literally THE most modern, of-the-times, state-of-the-art 50’s thing ever; but ONLY the kitchen. The rest of the house is as 18th century as it gets. So you go from this like, tile-floored, starburst-design, green-and-yellow AS-1950’S-AMERICA-AS-IT-LITERALLY-GETS-kitchen, to….Versailles. To as 18th-century-France as it literally gets. Post cereal and bread boxes to Louis XIV and Marie Antoinette. It’s kind of amazing.

IMG_7944

When we got upstairs, and got to a room that displayed some of Marjorie’s original receipts from transactions at the Cartier store in Paris, is when I really began to digest the sheer magnitude of her fortune. One of the receipts, was for 11,000 dollars, for two. Cartier. Picture Frames.

PICTURE FRAMES.

IN 1931.

NINETEEN

THIRTY

ONE

Do you have any concept

Of how opulent it is

To spend

11 THOUSAND DOLLARS

ON TWO PICTURE FRAMES

IN THE YEAR

NINETEEN THIRTY ONE

?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s outrageous to spend 11,000 on 2 Cartier Picture Frames in the year 2014. 1931????!!!!! That must have been like a million dollars at that time. ON TWO PICTURE FRAMES!

Then we made our way around to the CLOSETS.

The closets were my other favorite part besides the Kitchen. Just so………historic in there time period-ness. They smelled pink and girly and magical and American. Girlfriend did NOT shy away from extravagance, in her dresses, jewelry, property, and items. Everything.

The estate has 2 original dresses on display in the closets, and they were CAPTIVATING to look at.

IMG_7946

One was from her daughter’s coming-out in some British Royal court (literally half the shit she and her daughters were ever doing made no sense, but of course, #wealth), and it gave me CHILLS. The first thing I thought was that it reminded me of the style of 1920’s dresses, and the display card said that she had worn it in 1929. To look at a real dress, that was PRESERVED from 1929, a real dress from Bergdorf Goodman, that a real life girl in 1929 picked out, and wore, and has just been kept in the family and handed down and now EIGHTY years later is in front of my eyes, is thrilling. For someone who loves history, and fashion, it’s truly thrilling.

MMP Cartier Necklace

After touring all of the house, and some of the gardens outside, we made our way to a separate structure on the property that currently has a Cartier exhibit showing some of Marjorie’s most incredible Cartier pieces and their back story. There was one necklace (above!) that I literally could not even conceive of a price on. It is absolutely massive – and an original commission that she worked with the Cartier bros to design. It is like, detachable into a brooch and multi-layered with a GIANT sapphire and like 400 billion trillion diamonds surrounding the center piece and cascading down into waterfalls. I literally was like………this necklace has to be worth 3 billion dollars. I mean I just don’t know how you could price an original Cartier commission, that large, that beautiful, with that many diamonds, from like 1940. Somebody tell me what that’s worth. The exhibit did not.

ring

I also couldn’t believe that her 3 daughters wouldn’t want these things…to own them. Personally. To WEAR them. And pass them down in the family. Not have them on view for strangers. Anna explained inheritance tax to me. She also said they probably already own something BETTER than even what’s on display. And that they probably already got (money-wise, property-wise) way more than what’s at Hillwood – that they already got theirs. But I just kept being like, DON’T THEY WANT TO LIVE HERE? Don’t they want to OWN Hillwood? How are they cool with this just being a spot for history weirdos like myself to have religious moments in the kitchen of? And like wander the halls of fantasizing about their mom’s 1950’s jello molds?

Also the exhibit said something about how some of the Cartier items were on loan. So maybe those 3 daughters do get to wear those necklaces around their ski chalet on Christmas or wherever they Winter nowadays. Literally, one of the emerald rings was the biggest, most awe-inspiring piece of jewelry I have EVER LAID EYES ON. I can’t conceive of a person being wealthier than Marjorie Post. I think she is the richest person that has ever lived. I think I just stepped foot onto the home and grounds of the richest person in humanity. Because I’m not wrapping my head around owning porcelain urns from Alexander The Great’s reign over Russia and Cartier sapphires the size of a baby shoe. That’s just………that’s where my brain says “cannot not compute.” The woman had more plates – just….PLATES…than all of the industrial kitchens in Russia. And they were like NEXT LEVEL plates too, like crystal-encrusted patterns from imperial Moscow that like Peter The Great used to entertain his enemies. I don’t even know. Everything she owned had some back story and connection to like the most famous people that have ever lived in Russia and France – and they worth a LOT today let me tell you.

IMG_7963

IMG_7964

After checking out the Cartier exhibit, we walked all around the outdoor grounds of the property. There is a SUPER cool little Japanese garden with mini little bridges, stone paths, and rushing water. It was impressive and fun. Then there’s a putting green that’s very relaxing to sit and chat near. And there’s a whole bunch of winding paths through gardens and woods. But my FAVORITE part. Was the unabashed pet cemetery. That clearly stole the show even over the most dazzling Cartier diamond necklaces you’ve ever seen. Stones 3 x bigger than the necklace in Titanic? That shit had nothing on the grave stones of her 42 dogs, with names like “skampi,” “petite chou,” and “CREME DE FUCKING COCOA.” SHE HAD A DOG NAMED CREME DE COCOA.

creme de cocoa gravestone

Marjorie

Marjorie Post was a badass, 4-husband, Russian-art-dealing, Cartier-comissioning boss, who built a pet cemetery for her fallen dogs named things such as Creme De Cocoa. I have never loved someone as much as I love Marjorie Post. She threw BALLER dinner parties, bathed in Dom Perignon, dressed for every event like she was the queen of fucking England, DRIPPED in diamonds, and ran a billion-dollar business like the boss-ass bitch that she was.

That’s my favorite picture above. She legit dressed like she was the Queen of England. As Anna said to me when I said this: “she was.”

She’s basically a gay man’s dream – in addition to everything mentioned above (let’s just reiterate real quick here – cartier,  4 husbands,  Romanav art collection, dog named creme de cocoa), the tag line of the Estate and Museums is “Fabulous – Where Fabulous lives”, and each visitor is given a name tag that says “Fabulous.”  Coolest. Woman. E-V-E-R.

Marj and Scamps

Seriously though, she inherited her father’s cereal business at age 27 and crushed it as the head of Post Cereal. Instead of doing idiotic things with her billions, she was smart, and tactical, with an eye for design, quality, and craftsmanship, in art, interiors, and jewelry. So much so that she knew to collect Cartier and Russian art. And husbands.

She is truly a feminist icon and my idol. Nobody but Marjorie told Marjorie what to do, least of all the men she was married to. She wasn’t EXACTLY living in a time when women were bosses (of companies, of themselves, of ANYTHING), husband-collectors, and the money-makers in the marriage. She wasn’t some twee heiress who sat around in her castle of billions and catered to her man. She was too busy BUYING ART FROM THE FUCKING ROMANAVS. And patronizing Cartier before they were Cartier. I literally fucking love her.

And most importantly, as my friend noted, all of THIS (Hillwood, the very green grass we were strolling on, with its 25 acres and unfathomable art and jewelry collection) is here. MANY people, Thomas Jefferson included, don’t manage their estates and affairs well enough to, when they die, not only be able to give things to their children and family, but have their possessions and estates and affairs so well-managed that they can leave them perfectly-preserved to the public, to view in all their glory, decades after they die. THIS, this place, in all its grandeur and glory, is proof of her business acumen and capabilities. That’s there’s even this left, today, says what we need to know about Marjorie Merriweather Post.

I. love. her. And Hillwood is the most wonderful place I have ever been in Washington, D.C. I feel honored and lucky that this wonderful woman chose this place to be where she falled and sprang.

And the city she chose to bequeath her billions of dollars worth of land, diamonds, and Russian art.

Boss.

Ass.

Bitch.

You do you, Marj. We love you.

2 Comments

Filed under Good Shit You Should Know About, History, Inspiration, LOLz

28 Random Things About Me In Honor of My 28th Birthday

thoughts

I haven’t had time to write one of my usual longer form blog posts, including a recap of my 28th birthday, so I sat down to ramble-out 28 random facts about me.

Here ya go!

1. I am COMPLETELY addicted to chewing ice. It is new – it started this year. I had a friend in high school who was addicted to chewing ice and I thought she was INSANE, and our other friend had an ice machine in her kitchen and the one friend used to like, fiend out for it and not one ounce of my brain could comprehend it. It just didn’t compute. It was incomprehensible. I thought she was so weird. And this year, I became addicted to chewing it. I take big cups out every morning and night and just chew little pieces of ice. I live for it. I’m like a drug addict. I love. chewing. ice.

2. Second only to ice is my strange addiction to pretzel crisps. I go through bags a day. I wake up in the middle of the night craving them. When they are in the house, they are what I eat for breakfast.

3. I have a *REMARKABLE* talent for noticing people’s hair cuts — even T-H-E- most subtle trims ever. It is not relegated to people I know very well, like friend, boyfriend, coworkers, family etc. Any human being whom my eyes have ever seen, I will know if that person has gotten a hair cut. I NEVER miss it, and I am never wrong. Random people I’ve met only once before, or just people you wouldn’t think I’d notice if they got a haircut, like one of the security guards at work or a waiter at a restaurant — I know. I always say “did you get a haircut” and the person is ALWAYS like “uh….yeah…I did…” ?? It’s weird.

4. The other strange talent I have like this is zero-ing in on EXACTLY which drawer contains the silverware in people’s kitchens. It’s FREAKY. Like legitimately weird. I just sense it. I feel it. And it’s NOT ALWAYS like “where you’d think”, for those who are hating on this talent thinking it’s pretty obvious like it’s always next to the sink or something. It’s not. TRUST ME, the drawers / cabinets / vestibules people keep their silverware in are RANDOM AF and all over the place in kitchens, and I will walk into a new kitchen, feel it, reach for it, and be right. 100 percent of the time. Actually I’ve been wrong once. It really threw me. I’m still reeling.

5. I am not “crafty” in the traditional sense, like I can’t sew or fix things the “right way.” But I can cobble things together with nothing. I get/got that from my dad, who can fix a car with a jump rope, string a set of lights with a nail clipper, and fix a broken suitcase wheel with a piece of chalk.  It is some s-e-r-i-o-u-s Macguyver/resourceful shit.

6. I RUTHLESSLY chew my nails, bite my lips, etc. Like until they are raw and bleeding. My friends and boyfriend haaaaate it. It’s literally like………bad. I will literally drip in blood and am never without band-aids / almost always have them on my fingers. People are always horrified and I’m like, oh this bleeding appendage? That’s nothing.

7. I RUTHLESSSLY check out other women in a pseduo sexual way. Alex is so funny teasing me about it when I’m out with him in public. He says I check out girls’ bodies in a more offensive and flagrant way than his grossest male friends. I will barely realize I’m doing it, and there will be a pause and he’ll just be like “so……….I’m just wondering how it felt to rape that woman’s ass with your eyes.” And then I burst into laughter. Like I actually get into trouble with my staring. I am basically a flat out creep. All my friends make fun of me for it. I will just stare when I see a pretty woman. I appreciate beauty and the female form, sue me.

8. If left to my own devices, I will put off eating and peeing for as long as I possibly can. I love love love love food but only when it’s already part of the schedule, or an effortless passing act I can do while continuing to do what I was already doing. Like if I’m meeting someone for dinner, great. If I am walking PAST a Cinnabon stand ,and can purchase and eat a cinnabon in under one minute, great. But if I’m in the middle of cleaning, or shopping, or writing, or studying, and I have to STOP to fucking FEED myself? Bitch PLEASE.  There is nothing I find more annoying and intrusive. And same exact thing with peeing. Like I always joke how demeaning it is. Like you get cocky, in a flow doing something where you’re feeling super-human and awesome, like I’m in the middle of writing a really great piece and I’m on a high and I’m crushing it and then my stomach is like “UM UM, EXCUSE ME, UM, HEY, UM, REMEMBER ME, HEY HEY FEED ME I NEED FOOD” and then I’m reminded that I am nothing more than a machine, a vessel, that can’t fucking go longer than 3 hours without needing fuel, like a little BITCH. Like really? I have to STOP WHAT I’M DOING TO PUT A STRING CHEESE AND CARROT STICK IN MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW JUST SO I CAN CONCENTRATE AGAIN? AYFKMRN??! I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO!!!!!!!

…..Than like, “fix” a plate of food. I wish, if I had to, that I could just like honk a little horn and it would give my body the fuel/energy it needs to keep going and then that’s it. I hate that eating involves like, opening packages and sprinkling almonds onto things and like, decanting cereal into a bowl and pouring the milk and having to spoon small portions of it into your mouth one spoonful at a time. Literally are you kidding me. Am I a child in a high-chair. And then having the fucking dishes when it’s over. Ugh. And chopping. And like simmering and pans and tools and temperatures and time. No. Just no. That’s why I like croissants. Just buy it, eat it, walk. Boom, bye. Nothing. No opening, no sprinkling, no dishes, just food in your hand. Bagels with cream cheese are even too much effort because the creamy cream cheese can smear and get all over things. Croissants have crumbs and flake everywhere but at least they like, blow away in the wind. Cream cheese like…sticks to things. Croissant is my ultimate food. Literally done in one bite.

Likewise with the body needing to empty itself. Don’t even get me started on peeing. When you’re like having the best dinner conversation EVER and you’re vibing and the jokes are flowing and then someone has to STOP the flow to literally……get up and go to a bathroom and PEE? And then they come back to the table and it’s like…..awkward and no one knows what they had been talking about or remembers where they were and all of the smooth vibes of earlier are gone and forgotten and it’s like “heyyy so…where were we…………..should we get the check or something..?” Peeing is one of the most insulting acts we have to do as humans. I hate it. When I’m laying out SUN TANNING at a park, feeling it, feeling the sun, reading a book, on a blanket, and then 2 hours go by and I have to literally SHUT THE ENTIRE OPERATION DOWN, because I have to PEE (!!!!!). Like there are no bathrooms around, and I can’t leave my stuff lying out at a park, so I have to literally P.A.C.K. up my bag and speaker and towel and phone and book to DRIVE to a nearby CVS so I can fucking P.E.E. There is nothing more interrupting.

hahahahahahha I am laughing out loud right now — I just realized that between the addiction to chewing ice, hating to eat, and ruthless chewing of my nails that I am REALLY making myself out to be a crack addict. ……………don’t know what to say here……Alex made me add that I am currently doing all of the above. (That is, putting off dinner, chewing ice, and chewing my nails. It’s true).

9. I read magazines backwards (I think I’ve said that somewhere on this blog before??? Have I? I don’t know).

10. I know the lyrics to basically every song ever written.I think people comment on this more than any other single about me, other than my energy. That’s the thing I hear most from people is that I have a really really good energy. I like and appreciate that. Both types — the kind of energy that is like…..alive / full-of-life/ feeling-it/living-it/loving-it, and also the kind of energy that’s aura. Several strangers who aren’t even saying it because they’ve spent time with me have come up to me out of nowhere on the street to say “I can feel your energy, and it’s amazing.” I’M NOT KIDDING. MULTIPLE TIMES. Friends can attest to this. Maybe they’re mentally ill but whatever, I dig it. But it’s validated from loved ones, friends, family members, and people who have worked with me, who say the same thing, that I have an infectious energy that makes people feel good and happy and it’s clear how much I love being alive and I make things fun and lively and hype people up just from my the energy I give off. That’s 100 percent true.

11. I have an INSANE memory. I remember everything. Which I guess explains the former point, about the song lyrics.

12. BIGGEST PET PEEVES – 1.) When people are slow turners. When they are turning, whether left or right, and don’t just GET THEIR FUCKING CAR OVER, and it’s like they’re nonchalantly taking a stroll into the other lane, my entire body is overcome with a physical rage at their inability to just GET THE FUCK OVER IF THEY’RE FUCKING TURNING ANYWAYS, WHAT ARE THEY STILL DOING IN THE LANE, TURN BITCH, FUCKING TURN YOUR CAR, WHYALDJFKLASJFLSJFLKSAJFSADLKFJSDLKFJDSKLFJSALFJSLFAJSFLASJFLSJAFALJFSALKFJASLFJASFJASLFSADJFSKALJFSADLFJSDLFJSALFJSA ALKFJDSLJFALK THE MADNESS.

2.) When technological devices die and I have to plug them in. Simply finding, picking up, untangling, and plugging in a cord, to charge a phone or computer, makes me irrationally furious. We can text with someone in Japan, travel to the moon, fly jet planes to different countries, face time with people hiking in Alaska while we’re in the middle of the ocean on a boat, and yet OUR FUCKING COMPUTERS AND PHONES NEED TO BE CHARGED EVERY 3 HOURS. WHAT.

WHAT.

I just realized it’s exactly like the food/peeing. Having to re-ful/charge things, whether bodies or devices, infuriates me. Everything should always just work non-stop forever with no refueling. Just work. Always. I hate being interrupted.

13. I scream when it’s cold. E.V.E.R.Y. single time i get into a cold car, it can be 4 x a day, if it’s cold when I get in, I scream. It’s really weird and I do it unconsciously. It’s like an energy that needs to be released. I do not know how to get into a cold car and not scream. I don’t know when it started. It’s weird.

14. I am the greatest parallel park EVER. Like I am SICK. SICK. NASTY. DIRTY. RUTHLESS. at parallel parking. I will MURDER you at parallel parking.

15. I take almost 4 baths a day most days. A bath to me is hopping in for 10 minutes to get warm and then get out. Sometimes I’ll get in, get out, live life for an hour, and then get back in. This also goes hand in hand with another random fact about me which is that I am always cold, unless its 75 degrees and above. If it is seventy degrees, I’m still cold. People are like “omg this weather is beauuutifulll!!! So happy it’s 65 degrees” and I’m like “that’s fucking freezing.” 80 is basically my minimum. Miami, New Orleans, and yes D.C. in the summer, when it’s oppressive muggy heat, is like perfect to me. I love being bathed by warm air that stays in the air even at 4 in the morning. Walking outside in the middle of the night in Miami, D.C. and New Orleans and feeling that heat is one of my favorite sensations ever.

16. I hate spring. It’s a bullshit joke of a season that doesn’t own up to anything and is summed up by me as watery ,muddy, worms. It’s like watered-down tea. That’s what spring is to me. Metaphorically and literally. Like a watery cup of earl grey tea that’s been sitting out for 7 hours. Spring is a joke.

17. Every time a Drake song comes on the radio when I am driving, I think to myself “yes, Drake is my favorite rapper.” I don’t mean a new Drake song, I literally mean A-N-Y time any Drake song comes on, whether new or old, or the 4th Drake song I’ve heard that day, something about having the time and mental space of being in the car, alone, driving, where I can really sit back and listen to every word he raps, and relish in the hilarity and cleverness of his lyrics and his sexy voice, affirms that he is my favorite rapper. This is subject to change but without fail if a song of his comes on the radio in the car, I think it.

18. Something about female heroines in movies that are right, about where or who the killer is, or whatever truth, and people not believing them and making them out to be crazy, drives me CRAZY. I can’t handle beleaguered movie heroines who nobody believes and brushes off as crazy women. Rosemary’s Baby is one of my top 5 favorite movies, but/and when she’s right about everything but everyone makes her out to be “a hysterical woman” and puts her in a hospital and no one believes her, I was crawling out of my skin with anger, frustration and rage. I was SCREAMING at the screen. I hate it. I hate the era, and feel like it still kind of exits (?!?!?!?) when women were right about things, or alternatively, passionate about them, or just plain old…BEING HUMAN, like having thoughts and feelings and expressing sexuality or a range of emotions, or fear, or sadness, or anger, everyone acts like they’re crazy ass hysterical bitches who need to be in a padded cell under supervision. The Yellow Wallpaper KILLS me. Like it causes me legitimate stress.

19. I’m super independent. I enjoy doing things alone and frequently do, mostly because I don’t have time to sit around waiting for someone else to come with me. If I want to see a museum exhibit, I go. If I want to try a new coffee shop or restaurant, I go. When I studied abroad in Barcelona, I traveled to Paris, Rome, and Portugal alone – I eventually met up with and stayed with friends, but in Rome I spent every day alone. I toured the entire city by myself, including the Vatican, Coliseum and ruins. Just straight up…me myself and I, on a bus to the Vatican, wandering through the ground floor and taking in the Pieta, up and around every level, and the roof and everything, just moi. I especially love spending days in cities wandering and shopping alone, like Brooklyn and LA.

20. I love buckets, bowls, and chairs. Every time I go into GoodWood, what tempts me is the bowls, buckets, and chairs. I love chairs of every style era shape and size and color, and same with bowls and buckets. Deep and shallow, silver metallic and gold metallic, wood, metal, marble, engraved with Native American designs, standing on duck feet, wide, deep, shallow, circular, square, tall and narrow, what have you. And same with boxes. Boxes buckets bowls and chairs. Oh shit and baskets. Boxes buckets bowls baskets and chairs.

21. Salted butter is one of my favorite things on earth. Butter that isn’t salted is an embarrassment/a non-thing.

22. I am extremely passionate about customer service. When I have good customer service in ANY industry, I am genuinely filled to the brim with gratitude and appreciation. I will tip someone 400% when they do good work and are an awesome person. I do not care about math, percentage, standards, or my income. I will give my last 50 dollars to an awesome service that only cost 10 if I feel like it. I have and I do and I give zero fucks. I will always be compelled to monetarily thank someone for their talent and attitude. When I have bad customer service, I am enraged to my core, to the brink of tears sometimes.  I hate being treated poorly as a paying customer and it shakes me on a cellular level.

23. I change my mind every. single. day. (sometimes 3 times in one day) on whether or not I want to have kids.

24. I give zero fucks about tap water. I have all these bougie friends who will only drink filtered water and think it’s gross to not, and only drink from a Brita and nothing has ever phased me less. People are always apologizing for their tap water and I like, laugh. Basically if it’s a state in the United States, I will drink from the tap. I will drink from a water fountain, I will drink from anywhere that has water basically unless it’s like somewhere sketchy in Mexico. But I’m weird about other health/germ things. Like I hate door handles and buttons on elevators. But door handles are the worst. I always open them with my shirt. Almost always.

25. I sleep with a noise machine. I love white noise. Fans, air conditioners. It’s soothing and reminds me of summer.

26. I’m such a good shopper I think I would make an excellent buyer as an alternative profession.

27. I love and drink regular Coca Cola. I laugh in the face of diet drinks. A fresh ice cold coke poured over ice is one of my favorite treats.

28. If I love a new song, I will listen to it to a number of times in a row that you actually wouldn’t believe. Like 600. Like just over and over and over and over and over and over again. The most recent one I did this with was Iggy Azaela’s Fancy, which I am now sufficiently over, since I listened to it so many times over my birthday weekend, and the next one I’ve borderline ruined is Doc Hollywood & Ya Boy’s I’m at my Palm Springs Beach House.

And a 29th for fun: LA is my favorite American city and Barcelona is my favorite European city. They’re tied as my favorite cities on earth.

8 Comments

Filed under Good Shit You Should Know About, Life and things, LOLz, Me, Ramblings and Musings, Random

Dolce Vita Flippa Cap Toe Lace Up Oxford Flats

IMG_7402

One of my favorite destinations to shop in all of the world is the Bloomingdales on Broadway in New York City.

It’s just quaint enough to actually feel manageable and dare I say – cozy.

I can’t think of a single time I’ve ever visited New York City in the last 5 years of my life and not found 10 minutes to stop in, just to browse.

It’s in the dead middle of Soho, and I love wandering around my favorite streets – Prince and Mott and Mulberry and Elizabeth – getting a latte at Balthazar, and then hitting up my familiar little Bloomies.

This past summer I went to the big giant famous historic Bloomingdales uptown for the first time in my life, and literally have never been so overwhelmed and numb. I don’t like giant stores. There’s so much stimulation that I actually am unable to process any of it. It’s just….so…..much……
Every brand in the entire world. Tables and tables and tables of denim, 10 floors, it feels miles long and wide. It’s like, what is the point. Where can anyone begin. It’s like a corn maze in the middle of Tokyo or some other horrific and overwhelming commercial experience. I felt desensitized. I walked down aisle after aisle and was like, none of this is even interesting or catching my eye because it’s JUST. SO. MUCH that everything starts to feel meaningless.

I felt the same way about Barney’s. Like it actually depressed me. The layout, set-up, size, quantity of stuff. It filled me with a deep-seated sense of emptiness. I spent approximately 10 minutes in each place before being like “get me out of here.” Maybe this is just me, or maybe you know what I’m talking about, but when you walk into a department store you either feel connected to a combination of factors that all combine to give it the “feeling” that you sense upon walking in….., or you don’t. Like you either like the place or don’t. I don’t know what those are…. size, layout, lighting, something. But I HATE almost every department store in New York City besides the teeny tiny little Bloomies on Broadway. And I don’t hate the Macy’s at Union Square even though it’s big…it just has a better feeling than the others.

dolce vita flat

I always find at least one amazing thing at that Bloomingdales, which brings me to these darling cap-toe lace-up oxfords (or I call them tap shoes) that I am absolutely IN LOVE WITH.

Alex and I went up to New York City a few weekends ago (I have a re-cap post coming!) and though it was a super busy weekend I of course steered our ship to the Bloomies on Broadway because I couldn’t leave without at least seeing what’s there.

IMG_7293

They were having a shoe sale, and somehow I beelined for the cheapest shoe in the entire store.

I couldn’t. Handle. How Cute they were.

IMG_7297

PERFORATED. LACE-UP. SILVER. CAP. TOED. FLATS.

They were only $55.00 for the sale, and the only thing I purchased the whole weekend. I was so happy to find such a dream-find for so inexpensive.

I wore them out that night with leather pants, since wearing heels for a Saturday night out in New York City is actual suicide. Normally I feel super lame/fugly if I’m wearing flats out at night, but I didn’t even CARE that I “had” to wear flats out because the shoes add so much / are so cute.

IMG_7352

I wore them the next day for a chill Sunday of milkshakes, brunch, and cemetery exploring.

IMG_7402

IMG_7554

IMG_7466

I love wearing them with tights and skirts / dresses.

IMG_7847

IMG_7886

You know those pieces that you get complimented on an AWKWARD amount? I have a few of those, but in one week alone have never experienced anything like this. I wore them to this outlet event and people are obsessed with these shoes. I got asked where I got them / told they were the cutest shoes ever at least 30 times. 30 times. I am NOT EXAGGERATING. 30 TIMES.

I thought they’d be a unique store-only lucky find, but after a quick search found that they are in full-stock, every size available, and same sale price ($55.00) on Bloomgingdales.com right now. It’s times like these that I wish I wasn’t too lazy to have ever signed up for any kind of affiliate shopping program because I am rewarded absolutely 0 percent if you click on or purchase anything from my blog. Nothing. Not one cent. So there’s no incentive to me if you do anything, just wanted to share the cutest pair of shoes I’ve ever owned.

They are beyond comfortable, versatile, and just absolutely adorable.

And that is all.

Shoe Love = True Love.

2 Comments

Filed under Good Shit You Should Know About, MyStyle, Shopping

Sale at Style Etoile This Saturday! – plus a visual story of everything I’ve ever purchased from Style Etoile

IMG_9477

I’m hosting a big sale at Style Etoile this Saturday with my bestie and fellow blogger Cheralee-lee.

And of course, the insanely gorgeous sisters who own the store that I adore. My amazingly talented brother took these photographs of them in their store –

StyleEtoile_SistersTogether_FullBody_YellowBlue

StyleEtoile_ChristinaSolo_SittingonBench1

StyleEtoile_SistersTogether_HalfShot_YellowBlue

If you live in the DMV, Style Etoile is in Rockville. It’s out near the big shopping centers/Container Store on Rockville Pike, aka where you probably need to do some holiday shopping regardless.

White dress

Over the last 2-3 years, some of the single best items in my closet – things that I would never get rid of or sell because they’re high quality and timeless and unique – all have come from here, and ALL always on sale. I have gotten insane pieces, like a stunning white Iro dress (^^^pictured above^^^), Iro leather shorts, Iro romper, Camilla and Marc sweater, and Wren dress, all for under $100. They literally throw the most insane sales. I’ve gotten the sickest denim, accessories, sunglasses….they sell THE. BEST. SHIT in D.C.

Anyways, they are having a MAJOR pre-Black-Friday sale, with pretty much every item in the store marked down, and I am also personally selling half the stuff in my closet.

Most importantly: If you Facebook-post, or Instagram the invite to the sale (either Instagram the sale image above tagging @style_etoile and/or me (@thehyperbalist), or post on Facebook tagging Style Etoile https://www.facebook.com/style.etoile), and/or Tweet mention the sale, you’ll be entered to win a $150 gift card that if you come to the store on Saturday can be used towards the sale merch that day. Trust me from experience that $150 goes a LONG way on seriously amazing brands includingggggg Lovers and Friends, By Zoe, Rachel Antonoff, Camilla and Marc, Siwy, Nonoo, Goldsign, Iro, Kova and T, and one thousand others.

I pulled together the photos of all of the things I’ve gotten from Style Etoile over the years. Call this my Style Etoile retrospective.

First, THESE SUNGLASSES THAT I DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FOR! Alex surprised me with them for my 26th birthday because I’d been wanting them for monthssss but would never buy myself sunglasses because it’s just something I don’t buy. It’s so funny to me that there are like, sunglass people and watch people. And bag people. I am none of those things. I own one watch and one pair of sunglasses (below) and it’s because they were gifts. I don’t know what I am. I’m a stripe person. And shoe person, but who ISN’T. Actually I also own a pair of heart sunglasses that my editor Holly gave me, so also a gift.

me

Sunglass retrospective continued, with these floral Citizen of Humanity pants that I alsoooo got at Style Etoile:

me and gaby

And here, in Philly with denim shorts that I ALSO got at Style Etoile:

IMG_1670 - Version 2

And here, at the Arboretum

DSCN0357

And here, at the Dupont Farmer’s market in D.C.

DSCN0101

(And that TASSLE necklace up above ^^^ was ALSO  from Style Etoile, approx $40, also pictured heerreee) –

SecretSpots_Closeup2

AND HERE!!!!!!! —In Maine this summer, and in every picture ever from every day of every season for the last 2 years ’cause that’s how often I wear them. GOT-DAMN those sunglasses were a good purchase. {Alex}.

IMG_3714

AND SPEAKING OF THAT PICTURE ^^^ *ANOTHER* Style Etoile purchase — THESE NAVY AND WHITE STAR, FLARED, LACE-UP PANTS! AYKM?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? They are the greatest item I own. Period. They were $60.00.

IMG_2008

IMG_2004

IMG_1852

IMG_2078

IMG_2006

This Wren dress which you probs recognize from my Maybelline post and I LITERALLY got for like $50 dollars. WREN. AND IT’S AMAZING.

saturday nightoutfit street

saturday night outfit

And oh look, this was when it was on the mannequin at the store, before I bought it! Photographed by my brother –

StyleEtoile_StoreShot_Mannequins

This Sachin + Babbi piece that I don’t wear often enough –

sachindress

These Goldsign wide-leg jeans –

wide leg jeans

This MONA ASSEMI gold collar necklace that was LITERALLY $40 that I wear with E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

Copy of gold collar2

Me and Christina herself in NYC together – (in gold necklace) IMG_0082

IMG_0108outfit

In Marie Claire, no biggie
marie claire online - Copy

At Governor’s Ball this year, WITH ALSO a white silk tie Wren blouse from SE that was like $29, I can’t even with their sales

me and carlos!(Nice mean mug Carlos)

(you guys, side note, Governor’s Ball was THE best 3 days of my entire life, I get CHILLS when I see pictures)

THESE studded converse –

IMG_0447

outfit3

Napoleonconverse

studdedconverse

These Iro leather shorts –

outfit2 - Copy

IMG_4277

dinner outfit2

outfit4

These What Goes Around Comes Around vintage boyfriend shorts that were like $50 (I LITERALLY CANNOT, this is WHY)

IMG_1677THIS Iro romper

irouniskirt2

These studded Siwy shorts that I wore for one day of the 30 Under 30 shoot –

sunstudddedsiwy

IMG_2972These insanely amazing dark-wash stretchy flares that I wore for another day of the 30 Under 30 –

20130529_130311

This Camilla and Marc sweater – (ah my old blackberry days! too much lolz I can’t)

CamillaSweater

Like it’s ACTUALLY not a joke how much I own from there. I have nothing to say but that Christina has an unbelievable eye and is an incredible buyer. Like I would have 50 % less amazing of a wardrobe were it not for the things they have gone out into the world and picked and purchased for their store and brought back so that humble others like myself may attain them, for like under $100. I LOVE THEM. I’ve never bought something from their store not on sale, b/c I’m too broke to be buying Iro shorts not on sale, BUT WHEN THE ITEMS GO SALE IT’S KIND OF AWKWARD, LIKE YOU THINK THEY’RE PLAYING WITH YOU – AND THEY’RE NOT. I think the single most expensive item I’ve *E-V-E-R* bought was that Camilla and Marc silk sweater-shirt-blouse for $120.

Sewwwwwww guys, come out to the store if any of the following reasons apply –

1.) you want to meet me in person

2.) you already know me but would like to hang out with me in person since clearly

3.) you want to meet Cheralee in person

4.) same as 2 but for Cheralee

5.) you like sales

6.) you like getting amazing things that no one else has, for the best prices ever

7.) you live in Rockville and have NO EXCUSE to not stop by

8.) you like champagne, girls, clothes, music, and attractive people (The Albina sisters)

IMG_1888

9.) you want to shop my closet because I have the best closet ever, and am selling half of it because I am buddhist

10.) you’ve never been to Style Etoile because you’ve always been too lazy to get off your ass and get yourself there, so do it now, or suit yourself and scroll up and see the amazing things I’ve acquired and wish you owned more non J. Crew non Zara non Nordstrom things.

Don’t say I never told you about this place. It’s my GOLD MINE, I’m actually embarrassed for anyone who has listened to me talk about Style Etoile and  still not gone there.

Cait and Ellie, that’s not you – you’ve both listened to me and gone there and own amazing things — respect.

Style Etoile

1701 Rockville Pike
Suite B-9
Rockville MD 20852

THIS SATURDAY, 11/23, FROM 10 TO 6

INSTAGRAM, FACEBOOK, AND TWEET ABOUT THE EVENT AND YOU CAN WIN $150 TO BUY THE BEST THINGS EVERRRRRRRRRRR!

IMG_9477

And meet this super chic gal and her arm parties,  hiiiii christina

IMG_1869

Leave a comment

Filed under Fashion, Good Shit You Should Know About, MyStyle, Shopping

Maybelline Color Elixir

IMG_1301 Hey Ya’ll,

Well thanks so much for the love on my TJ post, it’s safe to say it’s been my most popular post ever, I think I’m going to write a book about Thomas Jefferson, jk I’ll start with my childhood.

IMG_1450 - Version 2

On a completely different note than presidents, American history, and hipsters, here are some pictures of me wearing something I almost n-e-v-e-r wear: colored lipgloss.

mabyelline 2

Refinery 29 and Maybelline sent me their new “Color Elixir” lip product in 3 colors that I am completely obsessed with.

IMG_1475 - Version 2

Butttt it justtttt so happened that the Fuschia Flourish, which was my fave of the 3, perfectly matched the tips of my hot pink shoes. So.

I literally wear the same light pink sort-of-lipstick EVERY single day of my life including to the gym, which is funny since I go to the gym approximately once annually, so that’s not saying much, but I never venture out.

Getting sent a sample of something and having to try it because you’re getting paid to is a good motivation to do something different with your look than you do every, single, day and night; and I really really LOVED the glam look of these lip glosses. I haven’t felt so va-va-voom Jessica Rabbit glam in like ever. There’s just something about a super duper shiny eye-catching pink colored gloss for a night out with a multicolored snakeskin dress, leather J, shiny studded heels, and chandelier earrings.

IMG_6839

The thing I like most about them other than their ridiculously pretty colors and adorable alliterative names (Raspberry Rhapsody was my second fave) is they are the silkiest-feeling finish, not sticky at A.L.L. and stay on forever. And they look so pretty in your bag and when you take them out and apply them. I LOVE this product. I want to get them in every single color and my favorite thing is since it’s drugstore beauty they’re literally 7 dollars and 19 cents at CVS. $7.19. You’re welcome.

mabyelline makeup

They are SO. PERF. for holiday parties and gifts for friends, since again, they’re 7 dollars and 19 cents.

Which leaves money for other things, like your…

PHONE BILL ABOUT 2 G’S FLAT, NO NEED TO WORRY  – MY ACCOUNTANT HANDLES THAT

IMG_1301

2 Comments

Filed under Good Shit You Should Know About, Make-up

I’M RICH JAMES, BITCH

IMG_5015

IMG_4584

This is the story of a girl named Lucky.

JK This is the story of a girl named I’M FUCKING OBSESSED WITH MY RICH NECKLACE.

But actually the lucky thing works too because it was sheer LUCK that I stumbled upon this INSANE, AMAZING, OF-MY-DREAMS, LIFE-MAKING piece in a second-hand shop in the East Village this past weekend.

IMG_4342

I CANNOT

start

with how much I love this piece.

#1 – it says RICH.

#2 – it’s hilarious because wearing an article of clothing that says RICH is ridiculous 100% of the time

#3- doing anything / saying anything related to being ‘rich’ is hilarious, which is why ALL OF MY FAVORITE RAP SONGS / LYRICS TALK ABOUT PEOPLE BEING RICH. ALL MY BITCHES LOOK RICH AS FUCK. HOOD RICH.

#4 RICH RHYMES WITH BITCH

#5- it’s a gold chain

#6- A THICK, HEAVY, BAD ASS, BAD BITCH GOLD CHAIN

#7 – I WEAR EVERY SINGLE CHAIN EVEN WHEN I’M IN THE HOUSE

#8- IT’S WORDS. I LOVE THE LOOK OF WORDS. I LOVE TYPOGRAPHY. I LOVE LETTERS. I LOVE WEARING THINGS THAT HAVE *WORDS* ON THEM

#9- It was $30.00

#10- it makes LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE. THING. LOOK BETTER

#11- it’s fucking amazing.

IMG_4714

If you follow me anywhere on social media, you already want to gauge your eyeballs out because of how many photos I’ve instagrammed of me in the RICH necklace. And guess what.

I DONT FUCKING CARE, BECAUSE I’M THE ONE WITH THE RICH NECKLACE. AND SORRY THAT I CARE ABOUT AWESOME THINGS. Sorry that I am so EXCITED by and passionate about REALLY AWESOME SHIT that when I find something awesome, I WEAR IT, OVER AND OVER AND OVER, AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. SORRY THAT I LOVE. SORRY THAT I AM CAPABLE OF LOVING SOMETHING SO HARD. I APOLOGIZE TO YOU FOR LOVING THINGS.

Here is a post of all of the ways I’ve worn the necklace in the basically 72 hours since I bought it:

#1 – with plaid Equipment blouse, Mickey sweatshirt, and leather shorts for thrifting around East Village with Cheralee, where we ran INTO Jason Schwartzman casually getting a blueberry smoothie from Liquiteria. DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT. RICH NECKLACES WILL BRING GOOD SHIT YOUR WAY. IMG_4348

IMG_4322

#2 – With my Isabel Marant white knitted jersey top (it looks like mesh but is actually a knit, which is why it’s THE MOST BADASS thing ever and why I stalked it on & off the runway and celebs everywhere for like months and then it randomly went on sale at Hu’s Wear in Georgetown for like $100 bucks or something outrageously low for Isabel Marant /standard for basically anything non-thrifted / non-shitty quality), black bralet, Drew baseball jacket (with leather quilted shoulders), black shredded Rag & Bone jeans, Steve Madden booties, and Marc by Marc Jacobs satchel. Hashtag – Nordstrom Rack.

IMG_4496

IMG_4438

#3 With my cashmere Balenciaga sweater that I got at Decades when I was in LA over Christmas, that was $80 from $160 because it had a MICROSCOPIC hole in it and at the time I reminded all blog readers that HOLES ARE YOUR FRIEND – exhibit A with my pants. IMG_4649

IMG_4661

And no that’s not a bathroom stall it’s a dressing room in Urban Outfitters on the Upper West Side.

#4 – with Jane Birkin and jeans so light they’re praaaactically acid wash IMG_4834

#5 – with A floral crop top and high-waisted American Apparel jeans!

IMG_4706

IMG_4748

#6 – with Wildfox Couture shredded Palm tree sweatshirt (MORE HOLES!) (even though you can’t see them) that I bought for myself on my 27th birthday this year + H&M knitted blue track shorts that I picked out from my H&M collab swag dollars:

IMG_4588

Aaaaaaand that’s what I got for you.

Never been so in love with something.

And what did I tell you about wearing every single chain even when I’m in tha house.

IMG_4798

‘Cause we started from the bottom now we here.

Here being rich.

2 Comments

Filed under Fashion, Good Shit You Should Know About, MyStyle, Shopping

On Big Sean and Kendrick Lamar – Control, and hip hop thoughts

IMG_2034

I was out in NYC with my darling South African BFF on Saturday and the DJs at PH-D at Dream Downtown (probably one of my favorite venues in New York City if only for sheer design / layout / view), were crushing it and I was jamming out/ in my own world as they played some amaaaaaaazing tunes.

IMG_2178

{The view is not real. It’s sooooooooooo beautiful / perfect.}

The last time I was there, it was over Governor’s Ball, and me and my fellow hip hop loving friend Juan, who had been listening to classic 00’s hip hop like Fabolous and Ja Rule and Juvenile all day, ended up dancing until 4 in the morning as the DJ played pretty much EVERY amazing rap tune from 1990-2013. We also met Gary Clark Jr. and the lead singer of Passion Pit, who were in town for Governor’s Ball, so our experience there was pretty much as good as it gets. Also these weird color dance monsters:

IMG_2176

The DJ both times ended up playing dance-y versions of Kid Cudi Pursuit of Happiness and School Boy Q Hands on The Wheel. In my opinion, if you’re a DJ and you’re playing really awesome, amazing dancier versions of the best hip hip songs out there, and you play Kid Cudi and Schoolboy Q, you’re my favorite DJ that’s ever lived.

I personally – above any and every type of music there is – love hip hop. Best of all. I love electronic music, and love artists like Rusko and Mylo, and am obsessed with the electronic artist Viceroy (about whom I wrote this worshipping post) but the reason I like his music for the most part is BECAUSE he takes tunes like Montell Jordan’s This Is How We Do It and Return of The Mack and Ginuwine Pony and Biggie’s Going Back To Cali and makes them dancy-er.  The truth is that I don’t really like strictly electronic music that much, when I’m out dancing at least. I don’t want to hear just…sounds. I want to hear Fat Joe and Big Pun and Lil Kim cracking me up with their thundering voices and hilarious lyrics. I want hip hop. That’s why Viceroy is the SHIT. Because he works with / from hip hop.

I had one of the best nights of my LIFE dancing at Li’l Charlies on Saturday and will maintain that it was one of the best 4 hours of music a DJ has ever played and that’s because it was all hip hop. I was dancing so hard I bruised my own self. Like from sheer force of dancing. I didn’t fall, but woke up the next morning with 5 new bruises and texted Cheralee like, I don’t understand where these came from. I think I danced too hard and bruised myself internally. The music was that good. Literally.

IMG_2218

{Casual 6-am post-dancing shot}

Needless to say, we met some new friends and one of them was muy intrigued by how crazy I was going when the good hip hop songs came on. He was like, “oh you’re a rap fan, let’s discuss.” Actually I think that came about after I aggressively rapped about 6 songs in a row and he was like “hmm, you do seem to know every lyric to everything….” I am always EXTREMELY excited to discuss these things with anybody who is interested. So we sat back on the nice leather couches as civilized party goers do, and got to discussing the music. He said “right now: no thinking: WHO ARE YOUR TOP FIVE FAVORITE RAPPERS OF ALL TIME.” I got a physical PAIN in my stomach at the thought of selecting. But I just SPOKE. No thought. I just said, very confidently and with the conviction of someone who doodled Lil Kim’s name in whiteout on her binder at her all-girls catholic private school in 6th grade, and who literally acted like she was part of the Puff Daddy and The Family family, and who cried when she got to meet Puff Daddy and he wrote “Alina — Stay Real” on a picture, and would like, cry out of happiness when Notorious B.I.G. songs would come on the radio, and would jam out to MC Lyte, Da Brat, and Timbaland and Magoo when her friends were listening to Shania Twain and said to him: “Wiz Khalifa, Snoop Dogg, Nate Dogg, Kendrick Lamar, and DMX.” hahahaha even the DMX surprised ME when I said it. I think I stand by it.

But then as soon as I spoke those 5 I was like FUCK wait I need to add five more. Make that 12 more.  Tupac, Yeezy, Big Sean, Dre, Eminen, Wu Tang, A$AP rocky, ASAP Ferg, and Trini James, DRAKE.

I’m fucking OBSESSED with Drake. And Kanye. And Big Sean. And then there’s OUTKAST. Andre. And Three 6. And Rick Ross hahaha Ricky Rozay my boy. De la Soul. Redman and Method Man. BUSTA RHYMES?!?!?!?!??! NAS?!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and ludacris!!!! YES. LUDACRIS. THAT’S RIGHT.

HOW COULD I EVER PICK 5.

OMG AND 50 CENT?!!!!!!!!! WHAT. He has to be in my top 5. I don’t care about anything that anyone says, or writes. I don’t care about critics, about magazines or blogs or main stream or indie. I don’t care what Spin or Complex says. I don’t care what other people think, I just know what I like and what I’ve been listening to and what I think is good shit, and I WORSHIP 50 Cent and G-Unit.

He and I also discussed hating Jay-Z. Hate. Although I LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE Tom Ford and think the beat and his lyrics on it are the closest thing he’s gotten to being as good as he was back in the 1998 cash-money-hoes days, which were the only days I dug his stuff. Since then I can’t stand his stupid grunts, and rapping about cubanos and cigars and various other toolish things. So we got along because we both don’t like Jay-Z with a vehemence.

IMG_2173

{Dance break bathroom selfie at Ph-D}

Seriously though hip hop as always been my one true love. I have been listening to Russ Par In The Morning on 93.9 WKYS since I was a child. I’ve mostly always listened to the stuff that came out new and live from when I was age 8 on – so like 1994 to present. But I do listen to earlier shit, like I love love love love Slick Rick, and Run DMC, and Beastie Boys. But I was 10 years old when Tupac Hit ‘Em Up came out, and when the whole Biggie/Tupac feud was happening and I remember all of it, and I remember the magnitude and excitement of it even at that age.

Many many many times since it came out, particularly in recent years, I’ve listened to Hit ‘Em Up and laughed/marveled at the lyrics and their intensity. I frequently play the “Pandora Classic Hip Hop” station for 11 hours at a time (it’s a dirty little secret of mine – probably the best playlist you’ll ever come up with is playing Pandora’s classic hip hop station) and Tupac’s Hit ‘Em Up comes on every time. I’ve known the lyrics for over a decade, and I remember I used to drive around in high school laughing when he says “That’s why I fucked your bitch you fat motherfucker.” hahaha who can hear that and not laugh.

My favorite parts have always been, “First off, fuck your bitch and the clique you claim,” and “You claim to be a player but I fucked your wife.”

And my favorite line of all time – it gives me CHILLS every time I hear it!!! – is the way he says “Biggie remember when I used to let you sleep on the couch and beg the bitch to let you sleep in the house.” And then he gets REAL angry and spews, “NOW IT’S ALL ABOUT VERSACE, YOU COPY MY STYLE, TEN SHOTS COULDN’T DROP ME. I TOOK IT AND SMILED.”

And then “Lil Kim is you coked up or doped up” has always made me laugh, because it was before she was even that cracked out.

And then when it gets REAL intense, perhaps the best crescendo ever, “But we ain’t singing, We bringing drama
FUCK you and your mother fucking mama.” He brought the wife and now he brings the mom into it.

And then when he starts talk-singing at the end, it’s just the best. The BEST. PART. EVER.

Now when I came out, I told you it was just about biggie.
Then everybody had to open their mouth with a mother fucking opinion
Well this is how we gonna’ do this:
fuck Mobb Deep,
fuck Biggie,
fuck Bad Boy as a staff, record label, and as a mother fucking crew.
And if you want to be down with Bad Boy,
Then fuck you too.

I get most excited to sing along to: “fuck Bad Boy as a staff, a record label, and a mother fucking crew. And if you want to be down with Bad Boy, then fuck you too.” hahahah it’s like so specific and articulate. And I was so down with Bad Boy.

Needless to say, it doesn’t matter whether it’s the 4 thousandth time I’m hearing it, it never doesn’t make me think to myself how crazy it is and how crazy it was. Like they straight up talked about murdering each other, their wives, and their moms. And how nobody has made songs that intense since. In the 17 years since Hit ‘Em Up, rappers have made….digs at each other….little jabs…little call-outs, but nothing that compares to that. Actually I think 50 probably came the closest. To talking about legit murdering people. He was pretty hood. And Tyler The Creator did that song about stabbing Bruno Mars. Hahaha but Bruno Mars isn’t his contemporary and it was kind of just funny more than anything. Even though he is slightly terrifying.

UNTIL today.

I heard Big Sean’s sexy voice on the radio and practically crashed my car because that’s what happens every time I hear him rap, and knew it was a brand new song because I hadn’t heard it. I was listening, and already losing it at how good it was. And then Kendrick came on and I about DIED when I heard him call out every rapper that is his ‘competition’ in the game today, and say he hoped their core fans never heard of them, and that he’s going to murder them (lyrically, professionally) and he’s better than all of them and is the king of both coasts. I’m not sure anything will ever get as intense as the Tupac / Biggie thing. It’s no “hit ’em up” butttttttt it gets as close as anything has in 17 years. It was pretty fucking EXCITING / cool to hear someone FINALLY just call people out and incite shit. Start shit. It’s EXCITING! It really is. It makes everyone better. NO ONE DOES IT ANY MORE! EVER! He sounds DIRTY. Mean. Fierce. It actually gets my heart pounding. I am high off of this song and what it represents. The idea of his drive. Like, I love you guys, but the truth is, I hope no body’s ever heard of you because I am the fucking KING. No bull shit, I want to run shit, and I love you guys, but I hope no one’s ever heard of you. I mean, he is legend already. I hope this gets so much more intense and heated and just results in the sickest raps and rhymes. Do you know HOW excited I am for everyone’s responses? And his responses to their responses? There’s nothing better.

That’s all.

#firstoffFUCKYOURBITCHANDTHECLIQUEYOUCLAIM

BIGGIE REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO LET YOU SLEEP ON THE COUCH AND BEG THE BITCH TO LET YOU SLEEP IN THE HOUSE.

They used to be FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!! I always talk about that with whoever I’m with when I hear that line. I’m like…..they were such good friends that he would CONVINCE biggie’s bitch to let him back in the house when he was in the dog house. Like they were BROS. And now they’re both dead : ( But the music lives on. And Kendrick is carrying the Makaveli torch. Fiiiiiiinally. Hopefully no one dies – just some good fun rap battling. : / 

Also I need to marry Big Sean.

2 Comments

Filed under Good Shit You Should Know About, Music

H&M 50 States of Fashion – Look 2

HM Look 2 1

For my second look as the New Hampshire / Dartmouth ambassador in honor of the launch of H&M e-commerce in the U.S. (in case you were sleeping, you can now shop online at H&M!!), I got to style this insanely awesome cropped, sort of….chunky-knit but also see-through but also metallic silver threaded sweater. It’s available online to purchase here!

HM Look 2 2

Again, as I was going through the package of what they sent me, I was like…H&M knows my style and knew exactly what to send me. I mean it’s a crop top! A cropped sweater. Actually when I was staying at my friend Peter’s in NYC recently (I’ve known Peter since we were 5 years old and in 4th grade he gave me a giant Hershey’s kiss for Valentines Day and now we’re 27 and it’s awesome – actually he, me, and Ellie, have all been a threesome (not like that) since we were literally in kindergarten) – and I wore a crop top out on Friday night, and then on Saturday I wore a crop top to go get bagels and iced coffee with him, and he very nonchalantly observed, “you sure like the midriff.” I responded, “”nother day, ‘nother crop top.” Because really doesn’t that sum it all up. Another day, another crop top. I have my nighttime crops, my daytime crops, cropped sweatshirts, cropped turtlenecks, and now this amazing cropped sweater. The wonderful world of crops. Won’t you join me there?

HM Look 2 3

I could have worn the sweater with some jean cut-offs and heels, which would normally be my steeze with something like this, but the pants were just so comfy and way more “nighttime” (given their color and silky-soft nature) than a pair of jean cut-offs even though I wear jean cut-offs for ‘nighttime’ looks all the time, but I figured I’d give your eyes a break from me in jean cut-offs since that’s all I wear.

HM Look 2 1

For the rest of the outfit, I had on a white American Apparel cropped tank underneath the sweater since, well, you have to wear something underneath the see-through sweater, and I love the way a bright white pops through a silvery-metallic-black. White nails, since white nails are everything. Giant lucite cocktail ring that I got at the Marc Jacobs book store in Soho for $5 (don’t ask me how this ever occurred – people have offered to buy this ring off of me for hundreds of dollars and I’m like, it was a TOY in a bin at the book store – but it’s faceted in this awesome geometric star way and I’ve had it for years and it’s a very cherished possession that I wouldn’t sell for all of the hundreds). Gold ear cuff-and-chain from Windsor Store. And silver metallic heels from Zara.

Katie and I took the pics on my roof with some crazy lighting and creepy birds. ‘Twas pretty cool.

Speaking of the pants tho, they literally do not come off of my body. Last night I went to an amazing bluesy-funky-jazzy-motown-y concert and wore them with a tee shirt, I wore them to run errands this week, I wore them to see Blue Jasmine at the movies, I wear them with absolutely everything. They are one of the best single items my wardrobe will ever see. You can buy them online as well, here! You can see my first look involving the pants here.

Remember to take pictures and instagram your looks with the hashtag “HMShopOnlineNH” for a chance to win a grand prize of a grand and a trip to NYC!

Contest ends August 21, 2013, 7PM EST.  You must be a U.S. resident and 21 years of age or older to participate.  Official rules here.

2 Comments

Filed under Fashion, Good Shit You Should Know About, MyStyle, Shopping

H&M E-Commerce is Live! You Can Shop ONLINE at H&M in the U.S. The world just became amazing.

Kt-HY9FYVC9FoHRmCJXUXcN1kN9PMFkeOtEyKpCDz9c,zsaVyvPQBrmmJhlQEzZKguP0wA-ealjHALZFOvdAK00,p95qUb5CHNVBphdz6bFINF4UM1-ciGv7RLDBdqCqC54

Honestly I have been waiting for this day for YEARS. You can go back through my tweets / life and find proof of me lamenting the fact that one of my favorite retailers on earth didn’t have online shopping – because while I love and will always love spending 9 hours combing through every square inch of the physical retail locations, there have been so many times when I LONGED — YEARNED — CRAVED– to just be able to buy something online at H&M – and the day is finally here!!!!!!!!!!! Do you comprehend how amazing that is????

uXitUq8ZZdJ5QR5csKpbfju8nuv8tFSdA-u2oCWumXI,AWLL_eGO2m6I-MNumJgaq4A50RpGhKKlsXyUTt7IiDk,H90dITQ0KenBetxDMDFaO_a84RrM9Ao7Zr8iMMHowtg

YOU CAN ONLINE SHOP AT H&M.

LET THAT SINK IN.

(AND BUY WHAT I’M WEARING ABOVE).

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!

Even more exciting (for me at least, hahaaaa), H&M personally selected me to be the sole state ambassador (they only picked 50 total- one for each state) for the state of New Hampshire because — their quote — “of my strong ties to Dartmouth.” When I got the email, I just about DIED.

It’s H&M we are talking about. GLOBAL – MEGA – MONSTER – FASHION BRAND THAT I’VE WORSHIPED AND PATRONAGED FOR YEARS.

IN FACT ———-

THE PICTURE THAT I BROUGHT TO DENIS (MY COLORIST WHO FOREVER CHANGED THE REST OF MY LIFE WHEN I WENT TO HIM 3 YEARS AGO AFTER DISCOVERING THAT HE DID RACHEL BILON’S HAIR AND FLYING TO LA TO SEE HIM TO TRANSFORM ME INTO A BLONDE VERSION OF RACHEL BILSON) — THE PICTURE I BROUGHT HIM FOR THAT FATEFUL DAY (other than Rachel herself), was none other than a series of shots of Maryna Linchuk in the H&M Winter 2009 magazine. I will never forget flipping through that specific H&M catalog and being like, OMG….EVERYTHING ABOUT H&M IS GENIUS!!!!!!

It was literally these pictures from this H&M editorial — I STILL HAVE THEM, TORN OUT, IN HARD COPY, FILED IN THE EPIC/INFAMOUS “HAIR BINDER” that I brought to Denis that spring. omg. —–

maryna 4 maryan 3 maryna 2 maryna

I BROUGHT HIM THOSE PICTURES AND SAID, DENIS, MAKE ME LOOK LIKE THAT.

I’ve JUST always stated/believed that H&M’s magazines are one of my favorite sources for forward-fashion styling and general content, and the actual store itself well…..don’t even get me started.

So, in promotion of the launch of their U.S. e-commerce site, they are doing a contest called 50 States of Fashion and involving 50 style state ambassadors. Because of my connection to/ obsession with Dartmouth (ALSO long documented on this here blog – it’s my top 3 favorite place on earth and I legitimately can barely talk about it without wanting to cry), they selected me to be the ambassador for New Hampshire and I nearly fainted when I saw the email.

I’ve never been so honored and excited. Not only to be involved in this GIANT event in the fashion world (literally – like………every person in fashion has been begging /waiting/ wishing/ praying / wondering when H&M was going to be launching e-commerce in the U.S. and there have been all these articles predicting what month it would be and all of us have been waiting on the edge of our SEATS) and so to be selected by the brand itself to help launch it, and on behalf of a state I can barely think about without crying, is like, the greatest honor on earth.

At their request this is what I sent to H&M for their website about why New Hampshire is special to me and what I think about style there:

“New Hampshire is special to me because I spent the 4 most formative years of my life there, in Hanover attending college. I had chosen to attend school there without ever having seen the campus or the town, and I will never forget the feelings of ‘home’ and pure happiness I felt when I drove through the state and stepped foot in Hanover for the first time. I was utterly and completely in love with my surroundings. It felt like meeting a soul mate. New Hampshire is indescribably near and dear to my heart. It’s a magical place to come of age. The natural landscape is breathtaking and awe-inspiring, and always managed to put everything in perspective. No matter what college threw at me, or what the ages of 18-22 brought with them, I felt dwarfed by and completely at home amongst the beauty of the mountains, trees and hills. I would take walks through the endless green, the forests, along the river, and feel completely safe and at home, like it was my small beautiful world and would be there for me when I needed to think, learn, and grow. I can’t go back to New Hampshire without a wash of overwhelming nostalgia and emotion. I truly grew up in New Hampshire, ,and truly believe it is one of the greatest states in the nation. Also, the motto of the state is: “Live Free or Die,” which is just about as cool as it gets. Living in the moment, living freely – has always been my personal motto in life, so a state that embodies that is my kind of place.”

Regarding New Hampshire style, it’s certainly got that New England prep side with an outdoorsy twist  – but in my opinion you can be whoever you want to be in New Hampshire. The motto is live free or die afterall — who’s going to judge your style choices? I experimented with my fashion choices a lot in New Hampshire, dabbling in the prep-school aesthetic but really being whoever I wanted to be. And I always felt free to do so.”
bJ6jvJwmNsXG5QWFo1NUOYzkeqDBevmaQe73blEyxvo,aWLTdBqEZfsmeFnYoP4e2TgSvhUJ-lzlEDpsdZI51jo,gxIbScC66l5_igmhMoWcG5AHJOGx4ZfdoXPJNvyxOOY
And honestly, it’s all just so true I could go on for hours. If there is ONE thing I do in life, it’s live freely. If there is one thing I want for other people in life, it’s to live freely. Free of………inhibition, judgement, anxiety, insecurity. bahahahah all of which I have in excessive quantities but like, just do you. Just do you. And that’s the MOTTO of the state of New Hampshire. Like for real NH? It’s literally SO HARDCORE. It’s like, LIVE FREELY, OR YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST DIE. It’s not worth living if you’re not going to live freely. SO MUCH RESPECT FOR NEW HAMPSHIRE FOR OWNING THAT. AYFKMRN WITH THAT? IS THERE A COOLER STATE IN THE U.S.? LIVE FREE OR DIE! IT’S SO LEGEND. #HAM. New Hampshire goes hard as a motherfucker. I’m such a hippie with all this free love/free life shit.
uXitUq8ZZdJ5QR5csKpbfju8nuv8tFSdA-u2oCWumXI,AWLL_eGO2m6I-MNumJgaq4A50RpGhKKlsXyUTt7IiDk,H90dITQ0KenBetxDMDFaO_a84RrM9Ao7Zr8iMMHowtg

But seriously if you don’t know how much I love New Hampshire and my time at Dartmouth in Hanover, read through my blog and you’ll find like 47 posts. Like it gets awkward. The funny thing is, you probably read that and are rolling your eyes like “yeah okay, this bitch took walks along the river,” —  but the thing is…..I DID. ALL THE TIME. ! I WAS SO EMO! ALL I WOULD DO WHEN I WAS THERE WAS WANDER TO THE GOLF COURSE *ALONE* with my headphones and LEGIT wander through the forests that surrounded  the campus and think about the night before and the literature I was currently reading. I would walk through the fucking woods alone. Legit how random and sketch is that. It was my favorite thing ever. The forests in Hanover were the B.E.S.T. ever! I always felt like I was in an American novel or like chilling with Robert Frost and Daniel Webster and Tolstoy, but I’d have Eric Prydz and Interpol and Arctic Monkeys and Postal Service in my headphones and be trying to erase an embarrassing frat basement memory from the night before while simultaneously wanting to re-live it. Holy crap. Freshman year wowwwwww. I wish was in New Hampshire walking near a secret pond right now, except it’s 1 in the morning and I’m blasting EDM.

The 32:39 mark of THIS to be exact:
So.
For this contest.
Here is what needs to happen.
Shop online at H&M because……….YOU FUCKING CAN NOW.
If you need any more reason than that, I’m embarrassed.
Pick up some H&M gear, then: instagram the shit out of your outfit. #youknowwantto. WHO DOESN’T LOVE SELFIES?!?!?! Or they can also be taken by someone else. Then instagram it using the hashtag: “HMShopOnlineNH” – the NH is for my state, New Hampshire.
Your submissions will then be posted to the H&M 50 State of Fashion microsite (amazing) – website here!! – http://50statesoffashion.com –  and visitors will ‘like’ your photos. After 3 weeks of that, a panel of style blogger judges will comb through the most “liked” photos from each state / region and a winner be selected from each region (we’d be northeast tobs).
You can win a $250 gift card if selected as a finalist and a GRAND PRIZE TRIP of a trip to NYC and $1,000 shopping spree to H&M.
I would die if I won a thousand dollars to shop at H&M. I would probably do something irrational like buy 1 thousand pairs of sunglasses.
Here are the full contest rules:
I LITERALLY cannot believe I am on H&M’s website as one of their 50 ambassadors. As an ‘ambassador‘ for the northeast. WHAT? Do you comprehend how big of a brand H&M is?!?! WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
greatest day of my life.
mkhDE6ZfQNIsT0erf-HLFVg7IwYzbvFp1QLH0h2OO6c,eMNQ4F7W7KQuJI7Umq5jfmGFW1QccJXC_RRGatuFmEE,o-OaQas134QoysSvx-YXu_1zqmeYFF63UqiDAMgauU4
Needless to say, I am rocking some BAD ASS H&M swag that you can purchase for yourself online RIGHT. NOW. (!!!!!)  I LITERALLY CAN’T BELIEVE THEY HAVE E-COMMERCE!!!!!!!! GOODBYE MONEY!
I. HAVE. BEEN. WAITING. FOR. THIS. DAY. SINCE AS LONG AS I KNEW H&M EXISTED. THIS IS THE MOST SIGNIFICANT E-COMMERCE LAUNCH SINCE LIKE EVER.
You can purchase the pants I’m wearing  this very moment for like the cost of a case of Blue Moon because H&M is THE SHIT.  http://www.hm.com/us/product/11836?article=11836-B
There they are! Just chilling, available online! I CANNOT HANDLE THIS EXCITEMENT!!!! I just spent an hour browsing through the product on the site and I am in euphoric disbelief.  IT’S REAL AND AT OUR FINGER TIPS! I COULD BUY SEVEN MORE PAIRS OF THESE PANTS. AND I PROBABLY AM GOING TO BE BECAUSE THEY ARE $24.00 AND THAT IS WHAT YOU DO WHEN THE CUTEST PANTS THAT HAVE EVER BEEN MADE COST $24.00. YOU BUY ALL OF THEM. AND IT’S WHY ALL WE LOVE H&M. Because the hand sanitizer and Nyquil I pick up from CVS  on a weekly basis costs more than the amazing pants and shirts and dresses and accessories at H&M. I BUY ONE CROISSANT AT LE PAIN QUOTIDIEN AND SOMEHOW BECAUSE SOME ORGANIC BELGIAN CHEF HAND SPUN THE CROISSANT DOUGH AND SHIPPED IT ACROSS THE POND IN LIKE COLD-PRESSED ORGANIC FLAX OIL, THE BILL FOR A G-D LPQ CROISSANT IS MORE THAN THESE PANTS. AND THE PANTS ARE SO. CUTE. !!!! THEY’RE THE CUTEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN – HOW ARE THEY $24.00?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW. ARE. THEY. $24.00. I CAN’T. EVEN. PROCESS THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ARE YOU KIDDING WITH HOW ADORABLE THIS CHUNKY KNIT SWEATER IS???!!! http://www.hm.com/us/product/12298?article=12298-C
IT’S $24.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT?!!!!!!!!!
I will be posting 3 more blogposts throughout the life of the contest over the next few weeks and cannot WAIT for you to see my other looks.
The pants truly are one of my most favorite things I’ve ever owned though. I can’t begin to describe the joy I felt upon opening the package. I was like, “omg…H&M….knows me. And what I like.” They are soft and sexy and chill and European and they have the most magnificent detailing – these cute, ADORABLE little slits at the bottom near the calf/ankle, and this cute ruched elastic waistband, and POCKETS (!!!!) AND ONE ADORABLE BACK-POCKET TOO!!!
1x0gQ3bIcaZh4lnrWINXavakafalyYEFU-PIMVI-dUw,BnAHzqdBfCZ7z4Z5zXn8fYsPg2r0I6z0hjWINoit9KE,PJ_9ow0HE2k3RYdrWry9kF3IBIAsDcqw_ebMxOid3i8
#bootylicious
COMFY AND SLOUCHY BUT STILL WORK THE BACKSIDE?
I couldn’t be more in love with something.
I styled them with just a white crop top from American Apparel, a structured vintage bag I got at a Butler & Claypool sale (whattup Holly!  – My Refinery 29 editor who is also a vintage genius and has a side business where she sells amazing vintage things and actually that’s the REASON I met her and eventually ended up working for Refinery 29 – so attending vintage pop-up sales  = muy bueno), and super chill flat black sandals from Steve Madden with just the right fresh details- the sleek black patent leather straps and gold detailing between the toes.
Kt-HY9FYVC9FoHRmCJXUXcN1kN9PMFkeOtEyKpCDz9c,zsaVyvPQBrmmJhlQEzZKguP0wA-ealjHALZFOvdAK00,p95qUb5CHNVBphdz6bFINF4UM1-ciGv7RLDBdqCqC54
But then I also decided they’d look fucking adorable with white converse  – picking up the white tee and my white nails. And so I did that.
QgG-zXsmMjcI8QP3ngZiVtKLZTNmrdZXuyV0l02hhZA,Mh-4cHdeFdUeloBQpuokF5hI_QInDca-E1Wj8rAuN4I,lhtT0FjgQgCI5y2a452VyKQryZa_1-U6i_bU87nv0vU
Are they just the cutest pants you’ve ever seen??!?! My hair was like 6th day dirty too. Throw that shit in a bouncy pony and ROLLLL, sonnnn. I am so low maintenance. My style is like – can you wear a crop top with it? K bye. Cat eye, fucked-up hair, go.
converse
I am never taking them off. They are SO. COMFORTABLE AND EFFORTLESSLY SEXY. THEY FEEL LIKE SILK and will transition from summer to fall seammmmlessly.
converse 2
I can’t wait for the next 3 posts – SO MUCH GOODNESS. I styled the same pants in a night time look, versus the daytime look above, and I theeeennnk you’re gonna like it. #I’mobsessed
All  of my photos were taken by the amaaaaazing Katie Warren! WHO IS A ROCK STAR. #gokateshoot #getitgirl
She’s so amazing/genius I can’t. This campaign has been SO FUN so far and it’s only just getting started! I seriously can’t start with how awesome that girl is – she shoots and edits and works like the fastest pro on earth. I was kind of awkward sipping Blue Moon as she just crushed life as a photographer and I listened to Viceroy and watched her be ridiculously organized and snappy and just crush some artistic creative shit. I told her if I were a photographer I’d also end up in a mental institution because I could spend 3 hours picking an instragram filter and sometimes it’s so overwhelming I just want to break down and die because they each have something different to offer and what if I want to highlight my shoes AND my shirt but one filter is good for one and one good for the other and it’s downright SICKENING to have to choose. So if I were dealing with like REAL photos, as a photographer, my life would straight up end. But she’s a boss.
Are you ready to win $1,000 dollars? Can you do it for me? And New Hampshire?
#livefreeordie
Instagram your looks #HmshoponlineNH
!!!!

Leave a comment

Filed under Good Shit You Should Know About, MyStyle, Photography, Shopping