Hello from Palm Springs!

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It is my opinion that Palm Springs is one of THE most beautiful places on earth.

The light, colors, and silhouettes….. absolutely B-L-O-W my mind. Every second of every minute of every day I am looking around saying “this can’t be real. Is this real? THIS IS NOT REAL.”

I’ve come to the conclusion that Palm Springs is not real.

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It is so. fucking. beautiful.

The blue sky, the sun, the palm trees, the mountains, and the architecture all combine and play off of one another in the most magical, indescribable, un-capturable way. It’s a perfect place.

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This is our second year in a row of coming out here for Christmas and it is THE *BEST*.

In the mornings, we take very-early morning walks and/or hikes. We wake up at 7, brew a fresh pot of coffee, sip it at the kitchen bar, and then head out.

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(I’m pretty in love with my Adidas leggings that I got at the Adidas Outlet for $12).

Walking and hiking in the morning is a complete high. I think about the temperatures back East and I feel legitimately euphoric, to be out in the fresh desert air, with the most insane vivid colors and sights, exercising outdoors with the whole day ahead of us.

After walking, we come back to the house and have more coffee and breakfast & down-time, like reading.

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photo (17)Palm Springs is the land of amazing rentals. Like 9 out of 10 houses are rentals to out-of-town vacationers, and they are gorgeous, spacious, TRICKED-OUTTTTTT., and so affordable. The guy who rents our place has 3 properties and travels all over and just rents his various homes out while he explores glass factories in Europe. Standard Palm Springs. You can seriously get a MANSION with an insane pool situation and gorgeous kitchen and stunning grounds because like….every single home in Palm Springs is like that, and owned by a wealthy gay couple.

Around 11:30, the sun comes flooding our chaise lounges out by the pool.

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We hang out by the pool, and have lunch out there. The property is a veritable orchard. On the grounds there is an orange tree, lemon tree, kumquat tree, pomegranate tree, and grapefruit tree.

A.Y.F.K.M.R.N.

Every morning and all throughout the day, we cut fresh squeezed lemons for our water. It is so refreshing. I have never been this hydrated.

I have an orange a day as a snack, and just walk out back and literally pick it off the tree. It feels borderline bougie to just pick a fucking orange off a tree and eat it. Like the ACT of literally plucking it from its vine and hearing the sound of the separation of the orange from the tree that you are going to then eat is so rich.

Then I’ll have some grapefruit for breakfast or later in the day. It’s a complete joke. THEY ARE JUST ON A FUCKING TREE. AND YOU PLUCK THEM OFF THE GOD DAMN TREE. This is also STANDARD in Palm Springs. Like if you live in Palm Springs and don’t have a kumquat tree on the grounds of your property you’ve done something horribly wrong.

We hang out by the pool until about 3:30, by which time the sun is almost completely behind the mountain. The light at that point is equally beautiful.

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When the sun “goes down” (it hasn’t set yet, it’s just not on the pool), we usually chill more for a few hours. Read, watch TV, talk, just hang out.

Around 6ish we either start getting ready to go out for dinner, or start cooking.

Palm Springs is kind of a foodie town. There are a LOT of amaaaaaaazing restaurants.

Saturday night, we went to Workshop, which was just so. so. good. Last night, we grilled chicken wings and made home made fries and salad with toasted almonds. Before dinner I even went for a run outside. It was my first attempt at running since I broke my hamstring last March. Palm Springs is extremely flat so I figured I’d give it a shot. Running with all the green, trees, and mountains is such a beautiful experience. I simply cannot believe I have to go back to 32 degree weather.

I ran through a park that is near our rental, where we also went for a walk this morning. Most of Palm Springs looks very typical California, but then you get little pockets that ALMOST look like an East Coast Fall.

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photo 2 (1)I love it.

Town has all kinds of good restaurants and design stores. The EPITOME of retro. Also, there is a Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, and a giant statue of Marilyn Monroe, with all kinds of fabulously retro motels & motel signage. You KIND of feel like you are literally on a movie set. Like you are in one of those movies about movie sets where everything looks super fake and is supposed to look fake but it’s just ACTUALLY what California and Palm Springs is like. It really does start to feel kind of meta.

Our rental is super close to town, so we walk in several times a day. We walked to and from our dinner at Workshop Saturday.

Today, Alex’s friend and her amazing Milanese boyfriend drove in from LA to spend the day with us. We had brunch at Cheeky’s (a very famous, fairly-safe-to-call-Hipster brunch spot in town), then came back to the pool and played R. Kelly, drank blue moons with fresh orange wedges PLUCKED FROM THE TREE, tanned all day, and then went to the Ace hotel for a photobooth stop and snack from the King’s Highway diner. The hotel is kind of suffocatingly hipster but the actual food served at the restaurant is EXTREMELY good.

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We have so many days left but I have little moments each day where my heart actually aches that I will leave this fantasy land to head back to the exotic District of Columbia. Literally…………I cannot.

So many more pictures and things to say but I just wanted to say a quick hello from one of my favorite places on earth. ❤ Hope you’re having a nice holiday break!

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Perioral Dermatitis

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HIIIIIII!!!!!!!

It has been so long since I posted and I apologize for that. Mostly it’s because my mom reads my blog and I can’t deal with her frantic calls & emails about taking down my selfies. She offered to pay me a thousand dollars to remove every selfie I’ve ever taken on my blog. THAT’S how passionately anti-selfie she is. But I can’t be bought. Seriously there should be a parental-block on WordPress blogs. PARENTS JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND. The best 3 years of my life were the 3 years in which she didn’t know I had a blog. Who ruined that for me, my cousin? Thanks Kathryn. I need to go into the witness protection program.

Needless to say, my first post back is going to be THE MOST unglamorous topic of all time, but I write about real shit on this blog — like debt, parental suffocation, our founding fathers, and acid reflux. JUST A REAL GIRL OVER HERE guys.

Today’s topic is horrible skin conditions that ruin your life.

This is serious.

So for the last SEVEN months of my life – since May of this year – I have been dealing with what I thought was terrible skin. I.e. a breakout. I.e. acne.

My whole life, I have never had skin issues, let alone persistent breakouts. My skin is dry. I have rosacea (My cheeks were always so so so so so flushed as a kid and every time I worked out). It certainly doesn’t look like a glowing super model’s in its natural make-up free state, but I’ve never had BAD skin. I’ve never had more than like 2 blemishes at a time and then they go away and things are back to normal until the next single blemish — nothing grouped, pervasive, and persistent that straight up DOESN’T heal or go away.

You can CLEARLY see my rosacea-ed cheeks in this childhood pic –

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But in May of this year, I got a weird like….raised bump red / pink scaly thing near the side of my mouth and it just. wouldn’t. go. away. I would do a really good job with make-up and covering it up, and was just like “well this is fucking annoying” but figured it had to fix itself at SOME point. Then in July / August, it got really bad and started to spread to the other side of my mouth and all over my chin. I thought it was hormonal, I thought it was dietary, I was UTTERLY and COMPLETELY aghast / mystified at what was going on. I couldn’t figure it out.

I have been using prescription Tretinoin (a form of retinol) for 3 years and it does WONDERS for clearing up skin, and I applied it religiously as always but NOTHING would change.

I tried apple cider vinegar.

I treated it like acne, and usually the idea of going to a dermatologist to me is a luxury because it’s “cosmetic” and god damn insurance companies never cover it – they cover dermatological visits if you have skin cancer (OBVIOUSLY), but not if you have bad skin – so I kept thinking, I just need to keep working on it and I will figure it out – it has to clear up eventually.

So, treating it like “bad skin”, I applied benzyl peroxide. I applied salycyclic acid.

I gently exfoliated.

I tried all kinds of natural remedies in an attempt to both be natural AND spend way less than I would on an out-of-pocket dermatologist visit.

I got into coconut oil (a jar of which lasts forever).

I tried making my own at-home gentle natural scrubs – using sugar crystals, baking soda, vitamin E oil from vitamin E capsules, and coconut oil.

I used my Clarisonic, sparingly so as not to aggravate it, but enough to attempt to turn over the dead skin cells and deep clean pores- since I thought I was dealing with quintessential acne/bad skin.

I mixed lemon juice and apple cider vinegar and dipped a cotton ball in the mixture and wiped it on the affected area.

I was seriously depressed and hated meeting new people because my skin looked so horrific and it didn’t feel like me.

When Cheralee and I FIRST were going to meet for coffee in July, I almost cancelled because I was so embarrassed about how bad my skin looked. I sent her a facebook message after she said she wanted to photograph me saying “you may have to fight me to the death on this, I’ve broken out and am in NO shape to be fancy photographed, trust me.” I just looked up that message — it was July 9th, and this is December 16th. Not one thing changed – and in fact it only got worse but I kept thinking this too shall pass, things will readjust, your skin will clear up, trial and error, be patient, etc. And it had STARTED in May.

Around mid-August I felt that I needed to see a Dermatologist. In my gut, I thought, “something isn’t right. I need to treat this medically / clinically, this isn’t normal.” I would look in the mirror, and there was an aspect to the breakout that REALLY seemed ‘different’ from normal breakouts – like the bumpy breakout would lead into a pink, discolored, patch of skin. It looked like an inflamed rash, it didn’t LOOK like your normal acne, and it evolved over time and grew a life of its own, but I thought it was from me constantly picking and thought it was just some weird annoying form of acne aggravated by me touching it. BTW I hate that word and am always so embarrassed saying it and admitting it but there’s no other way to say it. I pick at things and never leave them alone and so whenever I would say out loud to my friends that I thought it was time to see a Dermatologist, they would say STOP PICKING, IT’S LIKE THIS ‘CAUSE YOU PICK, LEAVE IT ALONE.

I still felt in my gut like I should see a medical professional (after 4 months), but every time someone else would say “just stop picking it will go away!”, I felt momentarily comforted, like “yeah you’re right, you’re right, I pick too much, it HAS to go away at some point” which was in line with the stress that I couldn’t afford to see a Dermatologist because I know how these things work. The visits, let alone treatment, are just never covered by insurance unless you are getting moles checked, or have a skin disease like psoriasis or contract poison ivy or something like that and I knew that if I went, it would be a minimum of $175 out of pocket and lord knows what else, and I kept telling myself it was just bad skin that I had to cover up and deal with because that’s life. ‘Use concealor, it’s cheaper than paying for a dermatologist out of pocket who is probably going to tell you you need laser treatments,’ I would say to my inner voice that was quietly objecting.

This was taken over Labor Day weekend – you can partly see the issue on the right side of my mouth (your left looking at the photo), and the difference between that and the edited version beneath it.

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Do you see???

Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll this past weekend, it was SO BAD on Sunday morning that it literally looked like my face had been eaten like Poppo the homeless man in Miami whos face gotten eaten off by the dude on bath salts. I wish I was brave enough to show you pictures, but I just can’t, the pictures are literally horrifying.

Except I just changed my mind and am going to post them, because it’s just so shocking and unbelievable how bad it got, you literally won’t believe it and they are so embarrassing and ugly but I am not so vain/narcissistic to not show what it was really like and potentially help someone. This negates my selfies right? Honestly I just really don’t care, no judgement. Life happens, we’re humans.

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YEP.

YEP.

THAT WAS ME YESTERDAY.

YEAH.

I KNOW.

CAN you believe that.

#REALLIFE

I was SOBBING and Alex asked me if I had ever done any internet research on what it was. I told him, no, because there was nothing to really research and I wouldn’t even know what search terms to use and it would just yield a stressful and overwhelming amount of information. I said, there are so many skin conditions out there, and if I were to google “red bumps/skin around mouth/chin” what am I going to find — stuff about acne, or rosacea, or eczema, or it’s just going to tell me I might be allergic to something I’m using or have a dietary sensitivity or a bunch of useless crap. I ACTUALLY was trying to be a GOOD ‘patient’ by not trying some fruitless search on the internet because that’s what I usually do and then I end up thinking I have 7 types of cancer, and am allergic to oxygen, water, earth, wind and fire.

I sobbed quietly to myself and Alex went in the other room. 5 minutes later I heard him say

I KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE

He came back in with his laptop, and diagnosed me with Perioral Dermatitis.

As soon as he started showing me the google images, I was STUNNED and stopped crying. I was completely floored. He was right. It was UNQUESTIONABLY clear from the pictures that I had perioral dermatitis.

I was super upset that I couldn’t see a dermatologist THAT DAY since it was Sunday, but we spent about an hour reading about it together.

A few things that instantly made me feel better to read:

  • It’s extremely common
  • It happens in women age 20 to 40 and is thought to be related to birth control
  • It’s not serious, not dangerous (not contagious, in case you were wondering), and just all-around very common

Although comforted and calmed, I was also slightly horrified as I read about it that I’d never heard ONE word about it in life, work, pop culture, school, and/or the vague medical reading I occasionally do. Nothing.

It also made me sad to read the characteristics – like that everyone mistakes it for acne and thus compLETELY mistreats it and makes it far, far, worse.

Ingredients like salycyclic acid and benzyl peroxid and retinol – commonly used to treat acne, make perioral dermatitis 10 x worse, as do creams and lotions and oils. I felt sick to my stomach realizing that literally EVERYTHING I had tried for months, from applying aquaphor at night to soothe it, and trentinoin to attempt to turn the skin over, had been making it far worse.

Also, it was super uncomfortable and itched constantly.

I read that treatment involves several things but most importantly and effectively ANTIBIOTICS. Go figure.

The bright light in my dark tunnel of tears yesterday was realizing after reading about it, that it would DEFINITELY be covered by health insurance because it was clearly a medical issue. It’s a rash, that you can’t prevent or fix without prescription antibiotics, and that is uncomfortable and terrifying to look at it and will never go away if you don’t treat it with doctor-only medicine. I knew even before I called that insurance would cover it medically and I wouldn’t be out $300. (And yes, I am SURE that with the dedication and the right combination of elixors like grapefruit seed oil and sage extract and tea tree oil you can cure this naturally, but it would take way way longer and be way less effective – I did a TON of research on it. I am super into natural stuff, but with certain clinical issues you just can’t compete with modern, Western medicine).

Also fascinating: the fluroide in toothpaste is supposed to be a major exacerbating factor. I particularly found this to be interesting because many times over the last 7 months, I would put toothpaste around the affected skin because of the age old wive’s tale that it dries out blemish/problem areas. Like it’s not even like I read that factoid and thought “hm, weird, doesn’t apply here;” I read it and was like, well THAT makes sense because my toothpaste has had contact with the affected skin a lot since the problem started.

So I bought a fluoride-free tooth paste, and sulfate-free shampoo and conditioner since the sulfate in that stuff is also supposed to affect the skin. The dermatologist himself said nothing about fluoride or sulfates but I don’t see any reason why, while this is healing, I wouldn’t stay away from those 2 things.

So anyways, I called the derm first thing this morning (Monday) and they were able to fit me in as an emergency appointment because a severe inflamed outbreak of perioral dermatitis, by their medical codes, is an emergency. It had been horrifically painful yesterday too (and still is), though it eventually calmed down. Sure enough, my insurance covered it, and all I had to pay was a $35 co-pay for a specialist. When they took me in, the nurse asked why I was there and I said “I self-diagnosed and think I have perioral dermatitis” and without a S-E-C-O-N-D’s pause she said, “you do.” Period. And that was that. Then the doctor came in and of course confirmed and gave me 3 prescriptions.

I have to take doxycycline for 1 full month (yeast infections / severe acid reflux here we come! literally fucking kill me), and then apply two separate medicated gels – one in the morning and one at night.

What I read on the internet yesterday, and what the doctor confirmed is that you can’t cure this “forever” and that it always comes back, but for some reason I’m not stressing that part because all I care about is fixing and healing it NOW. I can manage future things and there’s no guarantee that it WILL come back again and again (look at me being a non-catastrophizer!), so all I care about is right now. It takes time (blah blah blah), but with the antibiotics and gels, and hopefully with using fluoride free toothpaste, by mid/late January my skin will look like itself again.

I have never in my life experienced anything like this, and though it is common and my overall outlook is fine, I am still in general shock that things like this continually happen to me. I am the only person I know that continually suffers from random, unwelcome afflictions that always take LONG periods of time to “heal,” and even then don’t ever “fully heal forever,” and cost money to fix. From my gastrointestinal issues that really were quite frightening for a number of years (all kinds of bleeding, tests, and procedures), to fibromyalgia, to hamstring tendinitis, to fucking PERIORAL DERMATITIS, I am just always that one person that gets the random weird thing that can’t just be CURED and that “fixing” is a long complicated ‘forever’ process of trial and error and lifestyle factors. According to the INTERNET/Dermatologist, this is “common,” and that’s nice and all, but I’VE NEVER MET OR HEARD OF A SINGLE FUCKING PERSON IN MY LIFE that has had this.

HOWEVER, I wrote this post in case you, or someone you know, EVER experiences something like this. So that it doesn’t take them 7 months to figure it out.

I am extremely happy to have gotten to the bottom of the problem, and HOPEFULLY to heal over the next month or so and get back to looking like this!

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The primary lesson I re-learned (that I re learn constantly) is to trust your gut. In my gut, I knew 4 months ago that this was beyond MY personal control. In AUGUST my gut told me, from within my own body, that this thing – whatever it was – was clearly beyond my ability to fix and that I really should see a dermatologist and that picking alone wasn’t the culprit – that it had morphed into something that was strange, and refused to respond to any kind of treatment, and multiple times I said “I need to go see someone this just isn’t right.”  But I didn’t listen to my gut, I listened to other people, which affirmed my other non-gut ‘trying-to-be-practical-about-money’ voice that had been thinking “no, no, keep holding out, you don’t need to see a fancy dermatologist, just leave it alone.” WRONG. Listen to your gut. If I had, I would have gone in August and been diagnosed with perioral dermatitis and treated. Mostly I am glad that Alex is a brilliant internet researcher and was able to help me figure this out even before the doctor.

So……if you ever experience a “breakout” around your chin that simply doesn’t go away and feels/looks/seems like something slightly different than usual acne, you may have perioral dermatitis, and listen to your gut. I’m just a normal, 27 year old girl, who likes fashion and lives a normal life, and for seemingly no reason I got this, so theoretically anyone could at any time and I would really hope it might take someone less time than 7 months to figure out and deal with. Having bad-looking, bad-feeling, uncomfortable skin on your face is upsetting. No one WANTS to look like an ogre, and your skin – particularly and ESPECIALLY your facial skin – is the single most external, outward-facing (no pun intended) part of us – other than hair. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. GOOD skin is irrelevant with bad hair. But good hair with bad skin is second worse. I don’t know if that just made sense but somehow the logic is supposed to show that hair supersedes skin because it doesn’t matter how good your skin is if your hair is bad; but I think I just changed my mind and decided that bad skin with good hair is still worse. Yep, skin is the most important. Skin, then hair. K bye.

Literally can’t believe I have this. WTF.

P.S. This is my first selfie ever. I think I’ve gotten worse Like my selfie game peaked with the first selfie ever, and then has just progressively gone to shit.

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Filed under Bad Shit You Should Know About, Life and things

A Q&A

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A few weeks ago Hitha tagged me in this Q&A and I pretty much need to go to rehab for how addicted I am to answering q&a’s. I love any question that makes me think. Like…what IS my all time favorite movie? I just like answering questions. And picking favorites.

So here you go.

1.  If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

MIND READING, OBVIOUSLY. I know, I know, people would probably say – you don’t REALLY want to know what’s going on in other people’s minds because a lot of it would unnecessarily hurt you and nobody really needs to know the inner thoughts of other humans but, there are always situations where I think that I would give one billion trillion dollars just to know what was going on inside a person’s head at that moment.

2.  Share your guiltiest guilty pleasure – no judgement!

Woah this is REALLY HARD. I have NO IDEA!!!! I guess terrible pop music?

3.  Who would play you in a movie adaptation of your life?

Um………….Kerri Russel? I’m obsessed with her and she has curly hair so.

4.  What’s the one dish/meal you could eat repeatedly without getting sick of it?

Cinnamon rolls.

5.  What’s your dream travel destination?

Barcelona, but for a place I’ve never been – CUBA!

6.  You’re at da club.  What’s the one song that gets your tush to the dance floor?

Montel Jordan This Is How We Do It.

Also, anything by RAC or Viceroy; Q-Tip Vivrant Thing; Miley Cyrus Party In The USA; Queen Pen Party Ain’t a Party, Justin Timberlake Summer Love.

7.  Which celebrity or public figure can you NOT STAND?  

Selena Gomez hahaaaaa. And Beyonce. Yeah that’s right. BE-YON-CE.

8.  It’s karaoke time.  What song are you wailing along to?

Maroon 5 This Love, Madonna, and as of this past week – Britney Perfume.

I’m not tagging anyone because I have no friends.

Happy Monday.

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Dolce Vita Flippa Cap Toe Lace Up Oxford Flats

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One of my favorite destinations to shop in all of the world is the Bloomingdales on Broadway in New York City.

It’s just quaint enough to actually feel manageable and dare I say – cozy.

I can’t think of a single time I’ve ever visited New York City in the last 5 years of my life and not found 10 minutes to stop in, just to browse.

It’s in the dead middle of Soho, and I love wandering around my favorite streets – Prince and Mott and Mulberry and Elizabeth – getting a latte at Balthazar, and then hitting up my familiar little Bloomies.

This past summer I went to the big giant famous historic Bloomingdales uptown for the first time in my life, and literally have never been so overwhelmed and numb. I don’t like giant stores. There’s so much stimulation that I actually am unable to process any of it. It’s just….so…..much……
Every brand in the entire world. Tables and tables and tables of denim, 10 floors, it feels miles long and wide. It’s like, what is the point. Where can anyone begin. It’s like a corn maze in the middle of Tokyo or some other horrific and overwhelming commercial experience. I felt desensitized. I walked down aisle after aisle and was like, none of this is even interesting or catching my eye because it’s JUST. SO. MUCH that everything starts to feel meaningless.

I felt the same way about Barney’s. Like it actually depressed me. The layout, set-up, size, quantity of stuff. It filled me with a deep-seated sense of emptiness. I spent approximately 10 minutes in each place before being like “get me out of here.” Maybe this is just me, or maybe you know what I’m talking about, but when you walk into a department store you either feel connected to a combination of factors that all combine to give it the “feeling” that you sense upon walking in….., or you don’t. Like you either like the place or don’t. I don’t know what those are…. size, layout, lighting, something. But I HATE almost every department store in New York City besides the teeny tiny little Bloomies on Broadway. And I don’t hate the Macy’s at Union Square even though it’s big…it just has a better feeling than the others.

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I always find at least one amazing thing at that Bloomingdales, which brings me to these darling cap-toe lace-up oxfords (or I call them tap shoes) that I am absolutely IN LOVE WITH.

Alex and I went up to New York City a few weekends ago (I have a re-cap post coming!) and though it was a super busy weekend I of course steered our ship to the Bloomies on Broadway because I couldn’t leave without at least seeing what’s there.

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They were having a shoe sale, and somehow I beelined for the cheapest shoe in the entire store.

I couldn’t. Handle. How Cute they were.

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PERFORATED. LACE-UP. SILVER. CAP. TOED. FLATS.

They were only $55.00 for the sale, and the only thing I purchased the whole weekend. I was so happy to find such a dream-find for so inexpensive.

I wore them out that night with leather pants, since wearing heels for a Saturday night out in New York City is actual suicide. Normally I feel super lame/fugly if I’m wearing flats out at night, but I didn’t even CARE that I “had” to wear flats out because the shoes add so much / are so cute.

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I wore them the next day for a chill Sunday of milkshakes, brunch, and cemetery exploring.

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I love wearing them with tights and skirts / dresses.

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You know those pieces that you get complimented on an AWKWARD amount? I have a few of those, but in one week alone have never experienced anything like this. I wore them to this outlet event and people are obsessed with these shoes. I got asked where I got them / told they were the cutest shoes ever at least 30 times. 30 times. I am NOT EXAGGERATING. 30 TIMES.

I thought they’d be a unique store-only lucky find, but after a quick search found that they are in full-stock, every size available, and same sale price ($55.00) on Bloomgingdales.com right now. It’s times like these that I wish I wasn’t too lazy to have ever signed up for any kind of affiliate shopping program because I am rewarded absolutely 0 percent if you click on or purchase anything from my blog. Nothing. Not one cent. So there’s no incentive to me if you do anything, just wanted to share the cutest pair of shoes I’ve ever owned.

They are beyond comfortable, versatile, and just absolutely adorable.

And that is all.

Shoe Love = True Love.

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Filed under Good Shit You Should Know About, MyStyle, Shopping

Sale at Style Etoile This Saturday! – plus a visual story of everything I’ve ever purchased from Style Etoile

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I’m hosting a big sale at Style Etoile this Saturday with my bestie and fellow blogger Cheralee-lee.

And of course, the insanely gorgeous sisters who own the store that I adore. My amazingly talented brother took these photographs of them in their store –

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If you live in the DMV, Style Etoile is in Rockville. It’s out near the big shopping centers/Container Store on Rockville Pike, aka where you probably need to do some holiday shopping regardless.

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Over the last 2-3 years, some of the single best items in my closet – things that I would never get rid of or sell because they’re high quality and timeless and unique – all have come from here, and ALL always on sale. I have gotten insane pieces, like a stunning white Iro dress (^^^pictured above^^^), Iro leather shorts, Iro romper, Camilla and Marc sweater, and Wren dress, all for under $100. They literally throw the most insane sales. I’ve gotten the sickest denim, accessories, sunglasses….they sell THE. BEST. SHIT in D.C.

Anyways, they are having a MAJOR pre-Black-Friday sale, with pretty much every item in the store marked down, and I am also personally selling half the stuff in my closet.

Most importantly: If you Facebook-post, or Instagram the invite to the sale (either Instagram the sale image above tagging @style_etoile and/or me (@thehyperbalist), or post on Facebook tagging Style Etoile https://www.facebook.com/style.etoile), and/or Tweet mention the sale, you’ll be entered to win a $150 gift card that if you come to the store on Saturday can be used towards the sale merch that day. Trust me from experience that $150 goes a LONG way on seriously amazing brands includingggggg Lovers and Friends, By Zoe, Rachel Antonoff, Camilla and Marc, Siwy, Nonoo, Goldsign, Iro, Kova and T, and one thousand others.

I pulled together the photos of all of the things I’ve gotten from Style Etoile over the years. Call this my Style Etoile retrospective.

First, THESE SUNGLASSES THAT I DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FOR! Alex surprised me with them for my 26th birthday because I’d been wanting them for monthssss but would never buy myself sunglasses because it’s just something I don’t buy. It’s so funny to me that there are like, sunglass people and watch people. And bag people. I am none of those things. I own one watch and one pair of sunglasses (below) and it’s because they were gifts. I don’t know what I am. I’m a stripe person. And shoe person, but who ISN’T. Actually I also own a pair of heart sunglasses that my editor Holly gave me, so also a gift.

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Sunglass retrospective continued, with these floral Citizen of Humanity pants that I alsoooo got at Style Etoile:

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And here, in Philly with denim shorts that I ALSO got at Style Etoile:

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And here, at the Arboretum

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And here, at the Dupont Farmer’s market in D.C.

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(And that TASSLE necklace up above ^^^ was ALSO  from Style Etoile, approx $40, also pictured heerreee) –

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AND HERE!!!!!!! —In Maine this summer, and in every picture ever from every day of every season for the last 2 years ’cause that’s how often I wear them. GOT-DAMN those sunglasses were a good purchase. {Alex}.

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AND SPEAKING OF THAT PICTURE ^^^ *ANOTHER* Style Etoile purchase — THESE NAVY AND WHITE STAR, FLARED, LACE-UP PANTS! AYKM?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? They are the greatest item I own. Period. They were $60.00.

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This Wren dress which you probs recognize from my Maybelline post and I LITERALLY got for like $50 dollars. WREN. AND IT’S AMAZING.

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And oh look, this was when it was on the mannequin at the store, before I bought it! Photographed by my brother –

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This Sachin + Babbi piece that I don’t wear often enough –

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These Goldsign wide-leg jeans –

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This MONA ASSEMI gold collar necklace that was LITERALLY $40 that I wear with E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

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Me and Christina herself in NYC together – (in gold necklace) IMG_0082

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In Marie Claire, no biggie
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At Governor’s Ball this year, WITH ALSO a white silk tie Wren blouse from SE that was like $29, I can’t even with their sales

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(you guys, side note, Governor’s Ball was THE best 3 days of my entire life, I get CHILLS when I see pictures)

THESE studded converse –

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These Iro leather shorts –

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These What Goes Around Comes Around vintage boyfriend shorts that were like $50 (I LITERALLY CANNOT, this is WHY)

IMG_1677THIS Iro romper

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These studded Siwy shorts that I wore for one day of the 30 Under 30 shoot –

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IMG_2972These insanely amazing dark-wash stretchy flares that I wore for another day of the 30 Under 30 –

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This Camilla and Marc sweater – (ah my old blackberry days! too much lolz I can’t)

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Like it’s ACTUALLY not a joke how much I own from there. I have nothing to say but that Christina has an unbelievable eye and is an incredible buyer. Like I would have 50 % less amazing of a wardrobe were it not for the things they have gone out into the world and picked and purchased for their store and brought back so that humble others like myself may attain them, for like under $100. I LOVE THEM. I’ve never bought something from their store not on sale, b/c I’m too broke to be buying Iro shorts not on sale, BUT WHEN THE ITEMS GO SALE IT’S KIND OF AWKWARD, LIKE YOU THINK THEY’RE PLAYING WITH YOU – AND THEY’RE NOT. I think the single most expensive item I’ve *E-V-E-R* bought was that Camilla and Marc silk sweater-shirt-blouse for $120.

Sewwwwwww guys, come out to the store if any of the following reasons apply –

1.) you want to meet me in person

2.) you already know me but would like to hang out with me in person since clearly

3.) you want to meet Cheralee in person

4.) same as 2 but for Cheralee

5.) you like sales

6.) you like getting amazing things that no one else has, for the best prices ever

7.) you live in Rockville and have NO EXCUSE to not stop by

8.) you like champagne, girls, clothes, music, and attractive people (The Albina sisters)

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9.) you want to shop my closet because I have the best closet ever, and am selling half of it because I am buddhist

10.) you’ve never been to Style Etoile because you’ve always been too lazy to get off your ass and get yourself there, so do it now, or suit yourself and scroll up and see the amazing things I’ve acquired and wish you owned more non J. Crew non Zara non Nordstrom things.

Don’t say I never told you about this place. It’s my GOLD MINE, I’m actually embarrassed for anyone who has listened to me talk about Style Etoile and  still not gone there.

Cait and Ellie, that’s not you – you’ve both listened to me and gone there and own amazing things — respect.

Style Etoile

1701 Rockville Pike
Suite B-9
Rockville MD 20852

THIS SATURDAY, 11/23, FROM 10 TO 6

INSTAGRAM, FACEBOOK, AND TWEET ABOUT THE EVENT AND YOU CAN WIN $150 TO BUY THE BEST THINGS EVERRRRRRRRRRR!

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And meet this super chic gal and her arm parties,  hiiiii christina

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Filed under Fashion, Good Shit You Should Know About, MyStyle, Shopping

Maybelline Color Elixir

IMG_1301 Hey Ya’ll,

Well thanks so much for the love on my TJ post, it’s safe to say it’s been my most popular post ever, I think I’m going to write a book about Thomas Jefferson, jk I’ll start with my childhood.

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On a completely different note than presidents, American history, and hipsters, here are some pictures of me wearing something I almost n-e-v-e-r wear: colored lipgloss.

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Refinery 29 and Maybelline sent me their new “Color Elixir” lip product in 3 colors that I am completely obsessed with.

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Butttt it justtttt so happened that the Fuschia Flourish, which was my fave of the 3, perfectly matched the tips of my hot pink shoes. So.

I literally wear the same light pink sort-of-lipstick EVERY single day of my life including to the gym, which is funny since I go to the gym approximately once annually, so that’s not saying much, but I never venture out.

Getting sent a sample of something and having to try it because you’re getting paid to is a good motivation to do something different with your look than you do every, single, day and night; and I really really LOVED the glam look of these lip glosses. I haven’t felt so va-va-voom Jessica Rabbit glam in like ever. There’s just something about a super duper shiny eye-catching pink colored gloss for a night out with a multicolored snakeskin dress, leather J, shiny studded heels, and chandelier earrings.

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The thing I like most about them other than their ridiculously pretty colors and adorable alliterative names (Raspberry Rhapsody was my second fave) is they are the silkiest-feeling finish, not sticky at A.L.L. and stay on forever. And they look so pretty in your bag and when you take them out and apply them. I LOVE this product. I want to get them in every single color and my favorite thing is since it’s drugstore beauty they’re literally 7 dollars and 19 cents at CVS. $7.19. You’re welcome.

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They are SO. PERF. for holiday parties and gifts for friends, since again, they’re 7 dollars and 19 cents.

Which leaves money for other things, like your…

PHONE BILL ABOUT 2 G’S FLAT, NO NEED TO WORRY  – MY ACCOUNTANT HANDLES THAT

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Filed under Good Shit You Should Know About, Make-up

Thomas Jefferson wanted to be an expat but couldn’t be because he was the President and wrote The Declaration of Independence

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So………..although it is only a 2 hour drive from the center of Washington, D.C., I had never been to Monticello, the home of 3rd President of The United States Thomas Jefferson.

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Having lived in D.C. my entire life I thought maybe I MIGHT have been as a kid on some kind of school field trip, but no, it was confirmed as 100 percent fact that I had never stepped foot on those grounds until today.

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Alex and I woke up really early and made the trek out to Charlottesville Virginia for what seemed like a quintessential FALL experience. Hills, mountains, leaves, and the grounds of a former U.S. President’s plantation mansion….vineyards and gardens and a graveyard and apple cider donuts in the country along the way. So fall.

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It was indeed the most gorgeous day, and quite an experience.

Mostly because via the tour I realized that Thomas Jefferson was the world’s biggest douche. Just like grade-A, hilarious, insufferable douche. Like he was the original hipster. The highbrow hipster. Not the hipster that wears neon beanies from Urban Outfitters and thrifted Air Force Ones and  loves the Beastie Boys and is actually poor and hops the subway rails ’cause he’s out of money.

Thomas Jefferson’s modern-day people are the highbrow hipsters that read The New York Times over their rooibos tea and love “the french cinema” and feel like their dicks grow a little bigger every time they use the word ‘raw;’  love new “farm-to-table” restaurants popping up in the neighborhood and live in a 4-million dollar Brooklyn Brownstone but think they’re down with the people. He’s  THAT dude that won’t listen to a band once they “sell out” and only listens to what the critics consider to be “music.” Thinks he’s cultured because he has Morissey and Beatles records and just name-drops the shit out of everything.  If he lived in 2013 he’d always be asking people if they’d seen what Banksy had done last night and mentioning “this great little cafe” he’d been to in Paris or Warsaw. Actually DEFINITELY Warsaw. In 2013, Paris would probably be 300 years too overused so he’d be into Warsaw and how like, “the quality” of the glass from the old Polish factories is unparalleled and no other type of glass reflects light quite like it.  HE WAS THE WORST. 

This realization started because the tour guide takes you through every aspect of the house and give you details on the architectural and decor aspects of the house based on FACTS. Like Thomas Jefferson’s own journals, and other people’s journals DOCUMENTING that “he imported the french doors from France because he liked the doors and wanted them.” Period.

So our tour guide, Rita, is taking us through and literally EVERY thing she said made me laugh out loud because I progressively began realizing he was THAT dude.

Let me give you a few examples.

She’s showing us these fancy doors with insane glass that like “magically” open because some wind tunnel from the front entrance makes it so that when you start to shut the left one, the right one also shuts even though you never touched it. Rita, all eager with her granny voice because 9 out of 10 tour guides at Monticello/everywhere are retired grandparents, is like, “Mr. Jefferson saw these doors once in London, and loved them so much that he had to have them!”

Strike 1. I’m processing the information, but not offended yet.

Then we walk into the room off of his bedroom and Alex notices this amazing skylight like 400 feet above. As if on cue Rita says, “Now Mr. Jefferson first saw a skylight in France, and loved how they looked so much (!) that when he came back to his house, he had his [architect slave] REDESIGN THE ENTIRE HOUSE WITH LIKE 8 ADDITIONAL ROOMS AND 40 FOOT SKYLIGHTS IN EACH.”  BECAUSE THE FRENCH HAD SKYLIGHTS.

Then we walk to the dining room.

Well what the fuck do you suppose Rita says about the dining room.

“Mr. Jefferson loved the crown moulding in Alexandria, he was very inspired by the Romans, so he had his [architect slave] install crown moulding JUST exactly like they had in Rome!”

I am literally laughing out loud at this point. After the second reference to Mr. Jefferson just “having to have” something he had fallen in love with while in Europe, my entire schtick was turning to Alex and being like, OMG HE WAS *THAT* GUY. HE WAS THAT GUY who when you come over for dinner, you have to sit through 2 hours of him telling you how the last time he was “on the continent” he met a “fascinating little Italian cobbler” who was the descendent of the marble-worker who laid the marble at the Sistene Chapel so naturally he HAD to have that marble shipped overseas and installed in his kitchen in the same manner in which the Italians did it 400 years ago because he likes to keep the process authentic. And you’re like “cool dude, cool, kill yourself.” He’s THAT guy who has a wood burning stove – the original foundational brick for which was one that was excavated from Roman Ruins and the piece of wood that adorns his fireplace was a recovered slab from the fucking cross that Jesus was crucified on. And you’re rolling you’re fucking eyes being like “this bitch.”

Every fucking thing in that dude’s house had a story about how Mr. Jefferson had just been strolling down the street in London and saw a fancy ass glass door he liked and had it sent to his house. So also apparently MR. JEFFERSON had a fucking spending problem because it SOUNDS like all Mr. Jefferson did was shop. Thomas Jefferson was our President and wrote the Declaration of Independence and was a shopaholic. He had an uncontrollable impulse for fine European furnishings.

And the thing is: if you take the level of how douchey it is to be alive in the year 2013 and be importing marble from Italy and France, take that douchiness and raise it ONE T-H-O-U-S-A-N-D levels to when doing that wasn’t REMOTELY convenient or practical or cost effective. Because when Thomas Jefferson did it, it involved a 4 MONTH SHIP JOURNEY ON WHICH LIKE 25 PEOPLE RISKED THEIR LIVES, 4 DIED, AND 2 GOT DYSINTERY AND ENDED UP WITH LONGTERM BRAIN DAMAGE. SO IT WAS *THAT* MUCH MORE OUTRAGEOUS to be getting your doors from churches in London.

Oh but we’re not even remotely done. I am laughing as I type this because it’s TOO rich. I want to write a comedy skit for Portlandia or SNL on how much it must have sucked to have dinner at Thomas Jefferson’s house because everyone was probably just rolling their eyes being like OH MY GOD THOMAS, WE GET IT. YOUR KITCHEN WAS MODELED AFTER THE FRENCH DINING STYLE. OUR BREAD IS BEING CRACKED THE SAME WAY THE FRENCH CRACK THEIR BREAD. NO ONE FUCKING CARES.

His wife probably cut him off multiple times and was just like “Thomas, if you love France so much then why don’t you marry it. Why don’t you just FUCKING MARRY FRANCE IF YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH.”

OR WHY DON’T YOU JUST *MOVE* THERE. Oh right, because you wrote the Declaration of Independence.

Rita continued to explain that the house kitchen was built “in the French style” and that every night dinner was served “in the French style” because Mr. Jefferson was very “taken” with French cooking.

Also, he had the douchiest fanciest art — “religious stuff, because THAT’S WHAT WAS ‘BIG’ in Europe” and like the fanciest paint on his walls because that’s what they did in Europe. Basically if he’d seen that it was “en vouge” to smear pig blood on your walls in France, HE WOULD HAVE DONE IT.

The reason I found this all to be so god damn hilarious, aside from the inherent comedy, is because like……….HE WROTE THE FUCKING DECLARATION THAT DECLARED AMERICA’S INDEPENDENCE AND SEPARATION FROM EUROPE.

Like  THE document, the DEFINING document being like “LISTEN ASSHOLES: We’re our own thing now. WE DON’T NEED YOU and your religion and douchebaggery and fucking monarchs and non-separation of church and state, and ostentatiousness and PALACES and corruption — WE DON’T NEED YOUR SUN-KINGS AND VERSAILLES’S, WE GOT THIS NOW. WE GOT OUR OWN COUNTRY, WITH ITS OWN RICHES, AND OUR OWN GOVERNMENT, so just go hang out in your gold mansions while we bestow the gift of religious freedom on our humble people.”

And ALL THAT THOMAS JEFFERSON PROCEEDED TO DO WAS GO BACK TO FRANCE AND BE LIKE “omg I love this wood! Can I get this back at my place? Ugh you’re the best Pierre! Tell your grandfather I say hello,” and then brag about it to all of his guests. HE WAS A SPOILED LITTLE WANNA-BE EUROPEAN.

Like every fucking person that ever talked to him wanted to PULL THEIR HAIR OUT at the detailed degree to which they knew about every single one his French friends and that one time in Autumn 1803 when “Marcelle made this INCREDIBLE French Onion soup that just…MELTED in your mouth.” It’s all he talked about.

He wrote the Declaration of Independence and then was like ‘fuckkkkkkkkkkk but France is so good though.’

Also, Rita had some other hilarious anecdotes that further revealed how little fucks he gave about anyone but himself.

She was like “So Mr. Jefferson only lived on the ground floor – he did not use or go upstairs ever. SO, when designing the house he didn’t want to WASTE any space on staircases because…it was a waste of space. But all of the other 23 people who lived in the house had to use the 1-foot wide staircases! And they really hated those claustrophobic staircases. That Mr. Jefferson sure was silly!”

So like………EVERY person (all his family members and like grandchildren and guests and sons-in-law ALL had to use the staircases multiple times every day but because HE didn’t and he didn’t want to WASTE THE SPACE, he made them 1 foot wide. So every fucking day Martha and Sally and his DISTINGUISHED guests had to like, shimmy up the stairs being like “god DAMN it Thomas, really?” They sat down in their beds at night and wrote journal entries about how frustrating the narrow staircases were. And Thomas was like, well I don’t use them so……..suck it.

The other hilarious detail exactly like that was the alcove beds—-hahaha I’m laughing as I write this because he was basically a sociopath. He DID NOT CARE what anyone else wanted if it interfered with his aesthetic European desires.

So alcove beds are those beds that are built INTO the wall. So as Rita explained, NO ONE WANTED THE ALCOVE BEDS. Not only were they clausterphobic and difficult to get into, people would complain of like, indigestion and headaches and nightmares while in the alcove beds, AND THE ONLY BED IN THE ENTIRE HOUSE THAT WASN’T ALCOVE WAS HIS!!!!!!!! hahahah HIS BED was like out in the shining sun and air right near one of the French-inspired skylights, and every bitch in the house had to climb into their alcove bed being like that mother FUCKER.

Also, he banged his slaves, and also, he wrote “all men are created equal” and then had slaves.

So basically what I learned at Monticello is that Thomas Jefferson was THAT douchebag that imported everything from Italy France and London and if he were alive today he would have extension knowledge of beatknik “zines” and alienate everyone with his obnoxious importation of European stones and clothes and architectural ideas.

And that he is the biggest hypocrite ever. He INDEPENDECED us from Europe and then proceeded to make every single aspect of his life European. In an obnoxious way.

OH, and SIDENOTE, he also like actually didn’t pay for a lot of things and just “put them on his tab” and left his family in a lot of debt……………………..after fathering like 14 slave babies.

But hey, father of our government!

He is officially my favorite historical joke.

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His gravestone:
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Thomas Jefferson, author of the declaration of independence, and desperately wished he lived in Europe. “no like, America, America, I’m so about it, I LOVE America George, you know this is my shit, but…………have you tried the chocolate croissants in France? I’M JUST SAYING. I’m just. say-ing.”

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Filed under Blog Essays, History, LOLz

Life & Weekend Update

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A selfie from when I was FURLOUGHED. Yes for 3 weeks I didn’t know if I had a job (the one that pays my rent / health insurance) and was confused, frustrated, depressed, sad, angry, and lost; and turned to the only thing I know to count on in this world – a post-blowout selfie. And the blowout was free, chill. Oh and cat/house-sitting.

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But then the shutdown ended and I lived happily ever after.

About time for a random update on day to day life around these parts.

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Weekends are my most favorite thing in the entire world. The past few Saturdays have been so lazy and amazing. Like we wake up, leave the house to get bagels from Bagels Etc./coffee or go to Tabard Inn for donuts/coffee, and then pretty much get right back into bed for the rest of the day after hitting up District Flea.  I watch Parenthood on Netflix, or blog, and Alex plays Grand Theft Auto 5. He, like the rest of the country/world, got swept up in the hype. He isn’t a video game PERSON; like he isn’t my brother. My brother reads video game reviews and is that person who you hear a noise at 3 in the morning and it’s him in the living room with headgear on playing World of Warcraft with some 10 year old kid in Minnesota telling him he’s a little bitch as they virtually shoot virtual zombies in virtual battle gear.

Alex was never a video game guy but I’m happy that he got into GTA5 because 1.) it’s hilarious / amazing 2. ) as my friend Kate told me (who IS a video game girl and in fact is such a video game girl that she is the kind of girl who goes to the mall at MIDNIGHT the night that Grand Theft Auto 5 is coming out and stands in line to buy it), it’s like a visual tour of L.A.  Like Alex took me through the Griffith Park Observatory, The Hollywood Bowl, Mulholland Drive. It’s like…..legitimately fun because I feel like I’m in L.A. which is my favorite place on earth and 3.) my brother sent me the Conan O’Brian review of the game, and I love Conan O’ Brian and his 15 minute demo of the game made me love it. Actually just tonight, Alex’s friend Ben (this girl’s husband) called and he was on speaker. This is how their conversation unfolded V.E.R.B.A.T.I.M. Keep in mind they are DEAD serious as they discuss this.

“Ben: So, I bought a helicopter.
Alex: Go on.
(at this point my eyebrows cock but I assume they are schticking, like about a toy helicopter or some kind of code or something)
Ben: But…..where is it?
Alex: Okay so you have to wait several days for it to arrive, and when it does, it will end up on the roof.”

THAT’S when I realized they were talking about GRAND THEFT AUTO 5, and that’s when I said “are you guys actually fucking kidding me right now.” At which point they proceeded to discuss Ben’s helicopter some more in dead-serious tone as though the logistics they were discussing were real life. Alex is “farther along” than Ben in the game so Ben frequently calls him for “advice.”

But if we’re not snuggling inside the house doing mindless tv-watching/relaxing/flea marketing, we’re viewing apartments for fun.

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We saw THIS amazing place which was SO. SO. SO. SO. SO. gorgeous but didn’t have a dishwasher, laundry, or garbage disposal which is like THE reason we would move. It was less square footage and less convenient (not directly next to a grocery store) and same drawbacks as our current situation so not worth it, even for those gorgeous hardwoods!

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At District Flea I get the same thing e’ry time: a grilled cheese from No. 1 Sons that either has sauerkraut kimchi or dill pickles. They’re…..so….good….. The krat is my fave.

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I’ve gone 5 times now.

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Every time I’ve gone I’ve seen these dudes and I swear to god the term je ne sais quois has never applied to human beings more. I have NEVER seen people exude such coolness. Their style is INSANE. EVERY SATURDAY, there’s like 7 of them and just something about the way they dress, carry themselves, the way their jeans are rolled, their shirts and jackets, and the vibe they exude, I’ve spent 5 saturdays being like “who. ARE. these guys they are the coolest humans ever.”

Finally this past one, because Audrey was with me, I got up the courage to be like “hey…so….you guys are…cool..”

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They are from a style collective called “Search and Rescue Squad” and they’re based out of Philly.

It’s gotten too cold now for Dolcezza to be at the flea, but a for a few weeks they were there selling their gelato push pops which were funnnn since push pops are always more exciting than any other way to eat gelato

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On Sundays we wake up and go to Union Market or Room 11 or cook at home, stop into GoodWood if we didn’t do that on Saturday, and then do things like laundry, grocery shopping, and work for the week.

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Fall on Lamont Street is awfully pretty!

The pecan sticky bun from Room 11:

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Oysters from Rappahannock Osyters at Union Market –

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I went shopping with Cheralee at Forever 21 and got some great stuff, likeeeee that Yaley sweatshirt up above (this is the SECOND Yale sweatshirt I have bought from Forever21, they’re like my favorite thing ever) and  this jersey dress – (I have shorts on underneath don’t worry )

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The reason I was drawn to it was because it reminded me of this amazing red-and-blue one Alexandra from 4th and Bleeker (top 2 fave fashion blogger ever) had worn, the image for which was ingrained in my mind ’cause it’s so good, and when I saw this one I was like, okay it’s not red/blue but I feel like the IDEA of it is the closest I’ll ever get to finding something similar to hers –

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So I instagrammed it, and then she liked my instagram!

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And then

AND THEN

*LITERALLY* 2 days later

I found THIS version at Urban Outfitters. AYKMRN?!

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It has identical coloring and stripes. It’s identical. It was weird.

I found a hat that I like on that same Urban Outfitters trip:

hatIt looks nice on my clothing rack:

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I finally wrapped up a feature I’d been working on for months (literally since July!), a Single Dudes in D.C. Piece.

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You can check it out heeeeere: http://www.refinery29.com/dc-bachelors

Audrey and I shot it over 3 months at various locations – most recently we snapped Omar (the owner of D.C.’s Napoleon, Bonaparte, and Malmaison) at the Kogod Courtyard of the National Portrait Gallery – BE-YOND beautiful.

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She’s my fave.

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The courtyard is so visually impressive, it really wows you. On that note, I took Alex back to the National Portrait Gallery this past weekend and it is hands down, by LEAPS AND BOUNDS my favorite museum in this city.

I was straight up LOSING it over the Civil War stuff. There isn’t one thing that gets me going more. I am the BIGGEST U.S. History nerd but particularly about Civil War, slavery, reconstruction, early to mid to late 1800’s so i.e. the whole century. Like I am obsessed with the world wars, and the 60’s, 60’s, and pretty much every decade in the 20th century, but the DOCUMENTS and PORTRAITS and PERSONALITIES from the 19th century are something else. I kept walking past portraits being like HENRY CLAY MY MAN! Sherman you old dog. John Brown you crazy ass motherfucker. And obvi I get like, legitimately teary-eyed re: any/all things Daniel Webster.

Can we TALK about the typography during this era?

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I was literally FLIPPING out. Like  I am OBSESSED by America in the 1800’s. I can’t even. I could spend 234323423 hours looking through this stuff. I think I am going to move into the National Portrait Gallery’s Civil War section.

Then, because Alex and I felt like having a museum day, we went to the Phillips Collection to see the Van Gogh exhibit “Repetitions” and it was SO amazing you have to go!!!! My favorite of his repetitions was this version of the Postes man – the one with green flowered wallpaper.

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I hadn’t been to the Phillips since they built a Mondrian-painted Tryst inside of it. It was SO cute!!

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Alex surprised me with the prettiest macarons ever, from a new Georgetown spot, “Olivia.”

We’ve eaten some healthy salads.

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When I’m not eating pastries I live on edamame, kale, cherry tomatoes, lemon, and fresh parmesan.

I’ve had a few breakfasts from Pleasant Pops – they have the yummmmmmiest pumpkin bread from Bakehouse D.C.

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I snapped this pretty house in Adam’s Morgan, my favorite because black-and-white high contrast graphic is my MIDDLE NAME / DNA
IMG_6057Along those lines (do my pillows & top give away how much I love graphic black and white?) , I finally got around to tailoring a top I’d purchased 7 years ago in Barcelona from Mango that is my favorite thing E-V-E-R. It makes me SO happy to wear / look at again that I could die! It’s been sitting in a bag in a closet for YEARS.

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It has black shiny plastic appliqué squares and circles – with some of the circles being open and some closed. It’s a party. IMG_6760

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I’m enjoying GHOSTMALLOWS being back in store —

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I created this meme for Anna on National Cat Day, I crack myself up —

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I love how girly my desk is, with its make-up and photos and jewelry and hot pink —

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And don’t worry about this new thing. It’s just Alex’s new car that his new company bought for him. ‘s All good.

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We just drive around the city in a leather 2013 BMW THAT IS THE SICKEST THING EVER. I still drive a Honda Civic but like, DO I? This Saturday we will be driving to Monticello because I have never been and / or did on a field trip when I was kid but don’t remember it so if you don’t remember something you’ve never been. It has a dual climate so I can be bathing in a glorious 96 degrees while Alex keeps his side frigid and we’re both happy and my seats have warmers and it’s a beautiful sleek sexy european driving machine and every time I see it I die. And then get in “my” upholstered Civic and weep. jk jk Hondas are wonderful wives. They’re just like, the dependable stocky sturdy russian soup kitchen wife that will never let you down, and the beemer is the young german supermodel except not young actually, wise and experienced and smooth and nimble and beautiful. #ridinroundandgettin’it

SPEAKING of weeping, The Boston Red Sox just won the World Series. I was 18 years old and 2 months in to my freshman year of college the last time they did and I remember the communal JOY because it was New England so WE WERE SOX FANS as a campus. I remember it being the first time I felt close to the new people I’d begun a new phase of life with. We were in a dorm room and the joy was euphoric and I can feel it like it was yesterday. Go Sox.

4 Comments

Filed under Life and things

On Organization & Stuff & The most important lesson I’ve learned about what goes on behind closed closet doors

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I’m completely obsessed with self-improvement. Always have been and always will be. And I don’t mean aesthetic self improvement. I mean having to do with efficiency and productivity, and I don’t mean related to business or jobs or ambition. My particular interest is all about the self/ home. Organization, money, health (internal), overall effectiveness having to do with personal habits and the upkeep of ones home/possessions and just like….the general organization/management of objects/memories…..like possession management — managing clutter, having organized closets, desk drawers, mail, files, documents, photos, kitchen cabinets, winter things (hats, boots, sweaters) etc.; and also having to do with non-objects like….remembering to get your annual doctor’s appointments, paying bills on time, blah blah. The whole just…general idea of being good at life. Lest you have read wrong, I am not saying I am GOOD or have historically BEEN good at these things, all I said is that I am obsessed with & perennially interested in learning about ways to do these things better, and attempting to improve myself in these areas.

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^^^The last time I gathered a bunch of stuff to give away^^^

I am constantly throwing things out and I go through phases (really we should call them…spurts of….insanity…or…impulsiveness….) where I just don’t care about ANYTHING I own and want to get rid of all of it.  I look at my closet and think: literally fuck all of this. Fuck everything. I am not attached to possessions. I am (I do care about what I own, I love the things I own) but I just get in these moods where I’m like YOU’RE WEIGHING ME DOWN. I DONT’ CARE. I WANT TO THROW EVERYTHING I OWN OUT. (And not at all because I don’t like what I have — it’s not a mood that strikes because I’m “over” the things I own or my taste has changed or I don’t like the particular style or color or look, like when girls say “I have nothing to wear!” because they’re sick of the same stuff.  It has nothing to do with being sick of the things I have & wanting new or different things – it’s the polar opposite of that. It’s that I’m sick of ALL things. I want NO things. I want to be free of EVERY/ALL things).  I look at the clothes hanging on their hangers, as though they’re humanized, and I’m like….I could burn all of you right now. I want to rip you off the bar you’re hanging on and throw you out the window because of how zero fucks I give about you. Like, I can wear the same tank top, jeans, and boots every day. I DON’T CARE I JUST WANT TO BE A HIPPIE AND wear grey tank tops and jeans with holes in the knees and be happy.

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Sometimes I think about selling/giving away / throwing out 80 percent of what I own in my closet. I have assessed (and constantly re-assess) every single item in our living and dining room and everything is either functional or serves a clear decorational purpose without which there would be a gaping hole. Like…..is a horse photograph functional? Well, no, not like the way a couch is, but there would be a gaping white wall without it and I love it and it’s beautiful and art serves its purpose. There’s no junk just sitting around in living or dining room…no piles or unfinished corners…it’s all just….exactly what it should be and nothing superfluous. Art in the right proportions, no empty white walls. A couch. A coffee table. A desk. A bar console. Lamps. Coasters. Books. Candle holders. Bar ware. And not multiples of each. There are two candle holders and if I threw them out we’d have zero. Our barware fits on one standing shelf, and doesn’t overflow into any other area. We have 4 whiskey glasses that Alex and his friends use, and 4 wine glasses and champagne glasses, (from Ikea / CB2). We are very good about editing / not over-accumulating to begin with that there isn’t anything living/dining/kitchen-related that I could give away / throw out if I tried. I do try and it never works.

Closets are always different. Sweaters, pants, we have multiples of almost everything but still could pick out the select few that we’re life-or-death passionate about. So sometimes I fantasize about downsizing to literally those select things but then I think about how it would be kind of pointless because they aren’t taking up any space that they’re not supposed to be taking up. Like..we have a closet, and the closet is a certain size, and our things fit into the designated closet space, and there’s no overflow. I’m not keeping shoes in kitchen cabinets so why NOT have the shoes I have as an option to wear if all they’re doing is sitting on the shelf of the closet harming no one. They’re not doing anything. They’re not in the way. They’re not costing money/time (the shoes at least, since you don’t wash or fold shoes). It’s just sometimes that their very existence irks me but when I’m not in that “fuck -everything” mood described above, I recognize that unlike clutter sitting on your dining room table that prevents you from using the dining room table for its intending purpose as an eating surface, the stuff that is taking up 80 percent of my closet is not in the way of anything…..except maybe my needing to grab the 10 things I love most as quickly as possible in a fire. I COULD pare everything I own down to 10 items if I had to. We all could. There are 10 items in anyone’s wardrobe that are their very most favorite, prized, special, perfect, practical, etc. And if I had to I could pick those 10 and get rid of the rest.

But unless that happens,  the stuff actually serves a visual purpose even if I only wear it 15 % of the time. Giving away half or more of my shoes /clothes would in fact make the closet look bad. There are giant shelves and it would look weird, sad, sparse, and visually-wrong if they were only 60 or 50 or 80% full of shoes and hanging things. And OBVIOUSLY I didn’t buy things TO fit or not ‘fit’ the closet, but….it does. So in that sense I’m like, OK I could give away this…. meh blue sweater that I wouldn’t take with me in a fire and don’t REALLY have any attachment towards or real use for (x 20) ……..but until I move across the country to California, all it’s doing is hanging here. So I might as well have it as an option than not because what’s the point if the racks have the space. I think it has more personal value as a potential thing to wear than as 1 of 75 things I give away because I wanted to keep only 10 things. The closet is going to be an architectural space carved out in the home regardless of whether there are 10 things or 100 in it and the things are already there.

That’s why moves are always such great life cleanses because if I were moving to California I WOULD get rid of that blue sweater that I’m basically indifferent towards.

That said, I am constantly assessing what I own and packing up giant trash bags to sell or donate. It’s just that sometimes I want to go crazy and literally keep 0 things.

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Oops I bought a blender I’ll never use. JK

Anyways, I am generally the kind of person who gets excited, goes in full force, buys the necessary shit to accompany the particular improvement initiative at hand (to a certain extent), and then gives up 3 days into it. I’m so classic. C-L-A-S-S-I-C. Like I’ll get the mood/inspiration, buy the flax and frozen spinach and spirulina protein powder, make the meal plan, stock the fridge with raw honey and ground chia seeds, and then stop making smoothies after day 3 of it and go back to iced lattes and croissants. Literally I’m a joke. This always makes me crack up and think of my friend Cait who is the same way, like when she decided she wanted to be a bike-rider, and bought the bike, the lock, the dog basket, the water bottle holder, the whole fucking bike shebang; and then 4 days later was like, this is a nightmare I hate biking. And there is zero chance that dog has ever ridden in that dog basket. But I’m so the same way. If I had ever decided I was going to be a bike rider, I’d have bought the same unnecessary shit with the best intentions.

But actually…..having just written that…..when it comes to machines and technology / gadgets I’m pretty honest with myself. I get carried away at Whole Foods with food,  but I’ve never bought a juicer or a mixer and never seriously entertained the idea of either because I know that I’ll get sick of using / cleaning them. I will use the juicer like one time, and let the machine parts sit with rotting carrot rind until I just throw the entire machine out instead of cleaning it because it’s gone too far and disposing of it altogether becomes a legitimately more viable option than cleaning it. Like, I want to a be someone who juices, I want to get into it, but no. I know enough about myself to not spend money on one because maintaining it will wear me down after one try. I’m easily worn down.  Same with mixing. I occasionally like baking, but up until literally TO-DAY I just hand-churned dough with a wooden spoon. Nothing that plugged-in or buzzed, just my arm-power. Then I went to Bed Bath and Beyond today and spent 19.99 on a standard electric hand mixer. It’s fucking perfect and I don’t intend to upgrade ever because it does the job.

{Until MAYBE one day when I have a legitimate kitchen with counter space and a dishwasher. Oh yeah, those two things certainly help keep me grounded about the practicality of fancy gadgets. We have no counter space, no dishwasher, —and no garbage disposal either. So making juice would involve me plugging the juicer in in the dining room, hand-washing everything and disposing of fruit guts and vegetable skins in a plastic bag I’d probably forget about. Did you know that when you have soup or cereal and don’t finish it, in a house with no garbage disposal, you have to pour them down the toilet. Even just like, spaghetti. THERE’S NOWHERE ELSE TO PUT IT!!!! It will clog up the kitchen sink. Alex and I always feel so humbled and demeaned every time we have to take semi-solid food and dump it down our toilet because our kitchen is from 1842 and the size of Alex}.

Also this is the same for me and a nice DSLR camera. If I ever bought one, I’d get worn down by its maintenance and go back to the iphone within a week. I can’t deal with things. Lenses and cords and pieces and parts. I hate things. I just want everything to be simple and basic. I don’t think it’s lazy, I think it’s simple. I don’t need bells and whistles, just anything that is direct and simple and works. Like….strip yourself of your bullshit layers and do your function and I respect you.

Which brings me PERFECTLY to my point about organizing our hallway closet. Which I did last December and then re-did this October.

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To get really organized with the THINGS that exist in homes (batteries, cords, warranties, product boxes, etc etc) , really the only thing you need are cheap, clear, plastic boxes and a label-maker. OK IT’S TRUE you don’t even need the label maker –a sharpie and sticker-labels would do the same thing but not look as good. That’s it! No bells and whistles. Nothing but plastic made in China ya’ll. Simple, basic, no B.S.

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The day that I went to The Container Store to buy the vestibules to organize our hall closet, I was at least OPEN to buying fancy shit. Like I was open to the idea of being commercially swayed to buy cloth bins with fucking chevron horses on them for $37.99 each, that also massage your shoulders and tell jokes because why the fuck else are they that much money. But what I was most drawn to because they made the VERY most sense and were the very very very cheapest most basic thing that the container store sells were the plastic stacking bins with lids on them for like 99 cents. I joked at the time that the container store is DESPERATELY trying to get these loser bins off their hands. They put them at the front of the store practically out the front door BEGGING you to buy them because they’re so “not cute” / not Pinterest-worthy that I think the own container store is embarrassed of their stock of these items.

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But these stacking, see-through boxes are your BEST. FRIEND.

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In a nutshell, to organize the S-H-I-T that you have in your home, into an accessible sensical way, you need to be able to see the items (yes, even with a label saying what they are SEEING is still essential), and they need to be contained. Items can’t not be contained. That’s what I have learned.

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Take this for example: A bottle of sunscreen. Or….TWO bottles of sunscreen. In and of themselves— those bottles can stand up. They can stand on a shelf, and exist on their own. At least that’s what you THINK. You think you can trust objects to just sit on shelves and be OK. But any time you have objects just hanging out on shelves that aren’t CONTAINED, they will eventually end up in an orgy. Knocked down, horizontal, laying out, legs spread, caps off, touching every other thing that was sitting on the shelf, and everything is probably naked, on the floor, and a half-version of its former self.  Items can’t be trusted to just sit around, free, because NO MATTER how careful you are, no matter WHAT YOU DO, those items will end up in chaotic orgies.

First of all, things just get knocked over and knock over other things, period.  So the chaos is going to ensue whether you fight it or not. But at some point, you will be in a rush, or stressed, or confused about where something is, and you SWORE you’d put the extra car key behind the bottles of sunscreen on that one shelf in the closet, and you’ll be scrambling and looking, and as you reach, one bottle of sunscreen knocks another one over, and then you’re pulling shit out even more frantically, desperate to find that one thing you need in that moment, and the lotions have knocked over the razor and the tampons and the random baseball that was sitting on the shelf, and one teetering shoe box is on top of a bunch of loose photos and the photos slide free underneath and pepto bismol has fallen 3 levels and knocked over the tylenol bottle and starts to leak open and the tylenol bottle’s cap wasn’t quite on all the way so the  little white tylenol pills have just spilled all over the place and are now bathing and soaking in the pink liquid like the sluts that they are,  and you can’t find SHIT because everything is having sex with everything else and there are loose power cords that have gotten wrapped up around batteries and lightbulbs and then you you’re about to set fire to the entire closet, you find the spare car key with dry pink acid reflux medicine caked to it. THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS. THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS  ON SHELVES / IN CLOSETS WHEN YOU DON’T CONTAIN THE THINGS YOU OWN.

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But would that have happened if you’d had a clear plastic box marked with the label “SPARE CAR KEY”, that you could SEE into, and see the label and see the car key, and the box wasn’t next to a bunch of free-standing bottles of lotions that could fall over at any time, but instead was stacked upon and underneath OTHER clear plastic boxes, neatly stacked so that if you needed to remove the box of lotions to retrieve the spare car key, nothing SPILLS, FALLS, OR GETS LOST?

You need to keep these things contained and separate because otherwise it’s like the Indian In The Cupboard. And The Velveteen Rabbit. Basically all children’s tales about inanimate toys / things that come to life when you’re not around. The objects have lives / parties with one another when you’re not looking. And even worse, they conspire – the objects will get together and CONSPIRE to make it so that nothing is EVER where you left it and nothing can EVER be found. Least of all not in a pinch. Like when you are running out the door and you need to grab that spare USB cord — the objects in the closet sense that that’s what you’re looking for and every single odd item in there works together to hide the USB cord so you can’t find it because the USB cord is one of their own and you’re the enemy. I don’t know if you’e every tried to find anything that you weren’t sure where you last put is, but this is the secret lives of objects in closets. Shit’s fuckkkked up.

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Point being: the best decision I ever made was to organize our hall closet this way.

#1 – it looks really good. {RELATIVELY speaking ok. Is it glamorous, no, but it’s a fucking closet. The door is closed. No one sees it unless they’re looking for something, and in that case, they’re impressed as fuckkkkkkkk}.

#2 – it’s SO effective /efficient. When you need a battery, you don’t have to expend that mental energy that people normally do when they’re like “fuck WHERE did I last see a battery, I think there are some in that third drawer of the kitchen?” And then you go look in the kitchen and the batteries aren’t there, so then you look in the desk drawer, or you rack your brain and THINK you remember seeing a box sitting in the mail tray in the hallway, but aren’t sure, etc. etc. Nope. Doing this means there is only one place batteries ARE. Not even “could be,” but are. Because if you organize your home, take the batteries, and put them into a clear plastic box labeled “batteries”, then when your remote runs out of batteries / any time you need one, you know EXACTLY where to go, and go directly there, and you don’t need to wonder IF there are batteries in the house or even in this specific box because you know as a matter of FACT that there are. That is until you use every single last one but that probably won’t happen for a really long time.

#3 – it’s just really really effective. There is nowhere else in our ENTIRE home where an extension cord could be but in the clear plastic box labeled “extension cords.”

So, I made the labels based on the things I have that I am constantly using and/or looking for.

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I know this sounds REALLY random but “sun products” was one of those. I have nearly-full bottles of all kinds of SPFs -45, 50, 60, 15 – lotion, oil, sport spray, aloe for burns, etc. And this sounds strange since summer is only 3 months out of the year but I constantly found myself WONDERING where my bottle of this SPF or that SPF was. Like I’d have moments where I’d need to reach for one of those products, but would think, “WHERE is that spf 30 I have…under the sink? the closet? the top shelf of the other closet? My desk vanity area?” And when I couldn’t find it, I never wanted to just go buy another bottle because sunscreen is expensive, it’s like $12 a bottle. So when you’ve accumulated a lot of sunscreens, it’s helpful to have them all in one place. Putting them all into one box was so helpful one thousand separate times this summer. I’d want to reach for a certain SPF based on the day/occasion, like for example, it’s really hot and I plan on spending the whole day in the sun so I want the 45, and I didn’t need to waste any time being like, “Ok I found the SPF 5 tanning oil but that’s useless right now because it’s scorching and I will die if I use 5 so WHERE THE FUCK IS THE 45″ because…. EVERYTHING IS IN THE “SUN PRODUCTS” BOX. So I go to it, pop the lid off, grab the 45 and go.  Maybe very random to you, but something that I actually identified a legitimate need for and proved to be immensely useful.

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This was the same for shoe bags / travel containers. I go to NYC constantly and every time I go I need to put my jewelry in and shoes and make-up into the various bags/pouches I’ve accumulated for this purpose, either intentionally or by way of purchase (i.e. lots of shoes COME with bags for them so that either they don’t get scuffed up in travel, or their pointy parts don’t hurt the delicate clothing items you’ve packed). Finding those bags/pouches was ALWAYS an issue before. One would still be left in the suitcase, 2 would be in my desk drawer, 4 were straight-up missing in action, one was on a shelf in the closet.And I’d end up putting shoes in plastic bags and make-up in ziplocks. Which is fine but if I already HAVE the bags/containers to use, I should be using them over ziplock bags, but I wasn’t, because I could never find them when I needed them. Utility is about accessibility and organization. You don’t use what you can’t find / see.

So I corralled all of these travel containers into separate clear labeled stackable containers and now EVERY time I travel I know e-x-a-c-t-l-y where to go to get the protective bags that carry all of my non-clothing items on trips, and when I unpack from the trip, they go back into their little clear plastic labeled boxes. Because once you’ve created that home for these things; where ELSE could they go??!! Once you’ve bought and labeled that beautiful perfect little 99 cent see-through box, where the fuck ELSE are you going to put the shoe bags you unpack your shoes from after a trip — your desktop? NO, they’re going right back to their rightful home which isn’t just laying free on some shelf because as I counseled before, when things are FREE on shelves, they WILL find ways to walk off and disappear so that you can never find them when you need them, let alone ever again. You can’t just lay empty travel bags/pouches (whether they’re shoe or jewelry or make-up) on a shelf, you’ll never find them again. They’ll fall. They’ll fly.

Also, although we have a medicine cabinet, I still created a “Pharmacy box” for those items we don’t access as frequently but still need / are useful to have on hand. Such as………big bulk bottles of tylenol, rubbing alcohol, boxes of band-aids, pill-cutters, etc. Everything pharmacy related is pretty much corralled into that box. Our medicine cabinet has like….toothpaste and face wash. Our PHARMACY box has the pepto bismol and alka seltzer. And do you know HOW useful that pharmacy box has been? How many times Alex or I have needed something and gone straight to the pharmacy box.

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Basically what it does is eliminate the wondering. It eliminates those frustrating moments of, “do you know where ____ is? I think it’s in the kitchen? maybe it’s under the ___ in the ____?” When you have the pharmacy box, if something isn’t in the pharmacy box YOU KNOW YOU DON’T HAVE IT. There’s no QUESTION. There’s no driving yourself mad pulling your hair out wondering where the tylenol is. If it’s not in the pharmacy box it’s not in the house. Period. Ad there’s also no chance that the tylenol ever ends up in the “ballet gear” box. Once you do the initial delegating of objects into boxes with lids, nothing EVER isn’t in its box. Not even a barbarian could fuck it up. I’m serious. Under no circumstance on earth do you un-hook the lid of the “extension cord” box and accidentally put the rubbing alcohol there. It doesn’t happen. Ever.

We used the boxes for:

  • Extension cords
  • Warranties
  • Batteries
  • HDMI cords
  • Extra chargers
  • Headphones
  • Gift stuff (wrapping paper, bags, etc.)
  • and other random things

Other things we have in this closet in easy-to-find ways but were too big for plastic boxes:

  • Clear plastic linen bag for guest comforter/ linens (I forgot that we also grabbed this at The Container Store the same day as the plastic boxes because I was sick of having our spare comforter &  linens for when guests sleep over UN-contained). Because just like the other objects, the comforter would slowly slowly start to ooze out of it’s “fold” and just like….creep and sprawl and never stayed all nice and contained so I bought one of those plastic box/bag things and it helped so much with keeping the space contained/organized/neat! Like this – this is what it looked like before

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Versus after (down below)

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  • Sports stuff like football, basketball, baseball, for those days when Alex & his friends are throwing a ball around at Meridian Hill Park or wherever, that stuff is all in its own open bin – that plastic black one at the bottom there
  • Photo albums – are on the top shelf just lined up like books since they’re thick and study and stay pretty solidly planted

And some other random shit that I don’t feel like addressing cause I’m tired and over writing this blog post.

I have way more to say about improvement, organization, simplicity, the 2 blogs that are my FAVORITE because of their perfect coverage of these topics I care so much about, and the cookies I made tonight that are supposed to be my breakfast for the next week – saving time, $, and being healthy. Oh and my reaffirmed thoughts that eating out at restaurants is the stupidest exercise ever. After eating out at restaurants all weekend. IT’S NEVER WORTH IT. Unless it’s Tabard Inn donuts or a Bareburger milkshake, or oysters or Takorean tacos, or the entire menu at DGS, or the pastries at Room 11. I’m so. over. paying money to eat food that is mediocre and/or LESS delicious than what any of us can make at home, even me. Pancakes, waffles, french toast, whether they have pear compote or apple preserves or peach bourbon drizzle, or lemon ricotta filling, IT’S ALL THE FUCKING SAME. Pizza is pizza is pizza. Pasta is pasta.  You’re all the same.  Everything is always the same. I’m only ever eating at home for the rest of my life. 

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Filed under Blog Essays, Inspiration

I’M RICH JAMES, BITCH

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This is the story of a girl named Lucky.

JK This is the story of a girl named I’M FUCKING OBSESSED WITH MY RICH NECKLACE.

But actually the lucky thing works too because it was sheer LUCK that I stumbled upon this INSANE, AMAZING, OF-MY-DREAMS, LIFE-MAKING piece in a second-hand shop in the East Village this past weekend.

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I CANNOT

start

with how much I love this piece.

#1 – it says RICH.

#2 – it’s hilarious because wearing an article of clothing that says RICH is ridiculous 100% of the time

#3- doing anything / saying anything related to being ‘rich’ is hilarious, which is why ALL OF MY FAVORITE RAP SONGS / LYRICS TALK ABOUT PEOPLE BEING RICH. ALL MY BITCHES LOOK RICH AS FUCK. HOOD RICH.

#4 RICH RHYMES WITH BITCH

#5- it’s a gold chain

#6- A THICK, HEAVY, BAD ASS, BAD BITCH GOLD CHAIN

#7 – I WEAR EVERY SINGLE CHAIN EVEN WHEN I’M IN THE HOUSE

#8- IT’S WORDS. I LOVE THE LOOK OF WORDS. I LOVE TYPOGRAPHY. I LOVE LETTERS. I LOVE WEARING THINGS THAT HAVE *WORDS* ON THEM

#9- It was $30.00

#10- it makes LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE. THING. LOOK BETTER

#11- it’s fucking amazing.

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If you follow me anywhere on social media, you already want to gauge your eyeballs out because of how many photos I’ve instagrammed of me in the RICH necklace. And guess what.

I DONT FUCKING CARE, BECAUSE I’M THE ONE WITH THE RICH NECKLACE. AND SORRY THAT I CARE ABOUT AWESOME THINGS. Sorry that I am so EXCITED by and passionate about REALLY AWESOME SHIT that when I find something awesome, I WEAR IT, OVER AND OVER AND OVER, AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. SORRY THAT I LOVE. SORRY THAT I AM CAPABLE OF LOVING SOMETHING SO HARD. I APOLOGIZE TO YOU FOR LOVING THINGS.

Here is a post of all of the ways I’ve worn the necklace in the basically 72 hours since I bought it:

#1 – with plaid Equipment blouse, Mickey sweatshirt, and leather shorts for thrifting around East Village with Cheralee, where we ran INTO Jason Schwartzman casually getting a blueberry smoothie from Liquiteria. DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT. RICH NECKLACES WILL BRING GOOD SHIT YOUR WAY. IMG_4348

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#2 – With my Isabel Marant white knitted jersey top (it looks like mesh but is actually a knit, which is why it’s THE MOST BADASS thing ever and why I stalked it on & off the runway and celebs everywhere for like months and then it randomly went on sale at Hu’s Wear in Georgetown for like $100 bucks or something outrageously low for Isabel Marant /standard for basically anything non-thrifted / non-shitty quality), black bralet, Drew baseball jacket (with leather quilted shoulders), black shredded Rag & Bone jeans, Steve Madden booties, and Marc by Marc Jacobs satchel. Hashtag – Nordstrom Rack.

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#3 With my cashmere Balenciaga sweater that I got at Decades when I was in LA over Christmas, that was $80 from $160 because it had a MICROSCOPIC hole in it and at the time I reminded all blog readers that HOLES ARE YOUR FRIEND – exhibit A with my pants. IMG_4649

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And no that’s not a bathroom stall it’s a dressing room in Urban Outfitters on the Upper West Side.

#4 – with Jane Birkin and jeans so light they’re praaaactically acid wash IMG_4834

#5 – with A floral crop top and high-waisted American Apparel jeans!

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#6 – with Wildfox Couture shredded Palm tree sweatshirt (MORE HOLES!) (even though you can’t see them) that I bought for myself on my 27th birthday this year + H&M knitted blue track shorts that I picked out from my H&M collab swag dollars:

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Aaaaaaand that’s what I got for you.

Never been so in love with something.

And what did I tell you about wearing every single chain even when I’m in tha house.

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‘Cause we started from the bottom now we here.

Here being rich.

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